Shadow of the Sea

I am alone.
I lay awake on a boat. Ashore.
I can hear the waves splattering against the rocks, and the song of the seagulls.
The coconut tree bends over to obscure the moon, the moonlight filtering through its leaves onto my face. There is an eerie silence about the place. A calmness that has something turbulent about it, like an impending storm.
I look at my palm, it’s not soft anymore. I smile wondering if it had ever been soft. I wonder if life would have been any different had these hands been trained to wield something else than an Oar. In those days it was a rite of passage, for a young boy into adulthood. The unforgiving sea was the giver and the taker. A sail to the harness its riches was the ultimate test. The ultimate test for a little man to grow into a bigger man, the bigger man living within the little man henceforth.
It was a long time ago. I cannot remember the finer details, but the ones who failed seldom made it back alive. And the ones who did make it back, seldom lived again.
 It was nearly midnight, the full moon hovering brightly over the sea. It was a marvelous sight, it had always remained one. The setting was beautiful, almost enchanting. There was always something special about these nights, for they belonged to me.
 Every full moon night I come lay on this abandoned boat, awake until the first signs of the dawn. It was my hideout; it was my escape from reality. I could not run away from the life that had chosen me, I could not fight it. I had to accept the salty bitterness of the sea, and the sticky taste of it. The only defiance I had against all of it was these peaceful nights. The place filled me with a sense of hope. A lone island in the vast turbulent sea, my sea.
What exactly I was running from, I did not know. As far back as I can remember I was fighting it. It has to stop, I must let go. I knew I wouldn't. Not today, maybe the next full moon night. Like the previous night and the ones before, reality would come alive with the dawn. Sometimes I wondered if making peace with my demons was the right thing to do. I doubted if I wanted to. What would happen to this place if I did? I was afraid to lose this haven, this solitude.

 I sense an unfamiliar presence nearby, an aberration in my universe. The movement startles me. I do not appreciate this disruption of my solitude. I curse the lone figurine walking away in the native tongue. I do not get any response. I try to return to my thoughts, but the presence is alarming. This time I sit up and take notice. I heighten my senses. I look at her in silence.
  Who is this lady? What is she doing here at this forbidden hour? I cannot calm myself, too many questions flood my head. I get off the boat to get a closer look.
  We had been walking for about a mile along the coast when she suddenly stopped. The boat lay at a faraway place now. I see her look out to the endless sea, I follow her gaze. I cannot find a stone out of place. I wonder if it was the best of decisions to follow a stranger.
  I look at her with more curiosity now. Her face seems familiar. I am not able to place her in my memory. I continue looking at this golden-skinned being. Her beauty is astonishing. I look up at the fine creation waiting ahead for me.
 I cannot stop myself from being attracted to her. I feel something stirring within me, like a fire engulfing my soul. I cannot trust my senses anymore. I am afraid, but the fear seems to die with every passing second. I should not stop now, I must not. The creator must have his due appreciation tonight.
 I am a mere mortal, a man of earth and clay. I can fight the desires of men, but not of gods themselves.
 She turns to look at me, and I know it’s time. I look into her eyes, I can sense her longing. She has been waiting for this night for a long time. I touch her golden skin, and I sense her breathing grow heavier. A goddess in her mortal form, giving in to the desires of men.
We embrace our reality. We give in, to the night.


I woke up at dawn, I was in my hut. It could not have been just another dream. I remember every detail of the night before. I ran to the spot where she had stopped to stare at the sea. I could not believe what I saw. The struggle of the previous night lay evident in the wet sand before me.

I returned to the abandoned boat, every full moon since.
I never saw her again, but her presence never went unnoticed.