I don't love you on those days...

I don't love you on all days.
I don't feel loved either.
Love, to me is transient.
It comes and goes in short pulses.
Like panic attacks in a crowded place.
I do not wake up wanting you,
I run away and hide when it hits.
Weakened and mortal,
I wait for it to pass.
I try harder on the normal days.
You don't understand that,
I don't feign my feelings,
Or tell you fancy things.
I just want to get through these troubled times,
hurting you less, wanting you less.
But I know how these things are.
They take control of you,
wrecks your defence,
warms your heart and finds your weakness.
I don't love you on those days.

And there are days I give in,
I let myself be wrecked,
I stop caring about the fire,
I wait for it to burn me down.
And I regret those days.
I want to hold you close,
Feel your warmth, touch your skin.
I lose control over myself.
I crave for you.
I tell you I'm not ready for love,
even when I'm filled with it.
I tell you to go away,
when all i want is to hold on.
I don't tell you I don't love you,
on those days.