Shadow of the Sea

I am alone.
I lay awake on a boat. Ashore.
I can hear the waves splattering against the rocks, and the song of the seagulls.
The coconut tree bends over to obscure the moon, the moonlight filtering through its leaves onto my face. There is an eerie silence about the place. A calmness that has something turbulent about it, like an impending storm.
I look at my palm, it’s not soft anymore. I smile wondering if it had ever been soft. I wonder if life would have been any different had these hands been trained to wield something else than an Oar. In those days it was a rite of passage, for a young boy into adulthood. The unforgiving sea was the giver and the taker. A sail to the harness its riches was the ultimate test. The ultimate test for a little man to grow into a bigger man, the bigger man living within the little man henceforth.
It was a long time ago. I cannot remember the finer details, but the ones who failed seldom made it back alive. And the ones who did make it back, seldom lived again.
 It was nearly midnight, the full moon hovering brightly over the sea. It was a marvelous sight, it had always remained one. The setting was beautiful, almost enchanting. There was always something special about these nights, for they belonged to me.
 Every full moon night I come lay on this abandoned boat, awake until the first signs of the dawn. It was my hideout; it was my escape from reality. I could not run away from the life that had chosen me, I could not fight it. I had to accept the salty bitterness of the sea, and the sticky taste of it. The only defiance I had against all of it was these peaceful nights. The place filled me with a sense of hope. A lone island in the vast turbulent sea, my sea.
What exactly I was running from, I did not know. As far back as I can remember I was fighting it. It has to stop, I must let go. I knew I wouldn't. Not today, maybe the next full moon night. Like the previous night and the ones before, reality would come alive with the dawn. Sometimes I wondered if making peace with my demons was the right thing to do. I doubted if I wanted to. What would happen to this place if I did? I was afraid to lose this haven, this solitude.

 I sense an unfamiliar presence nearby, an aberration in my universe. The movement startles me. I do not appreciate this disruption of my solitude. I curse the lone figurine walking away in the native tongue. I do not get any response. I try to return to my thoughts, but the presence is alarming. This time I sit up and take notice. I heighten my senses. I look at her in silence.
  Who is this lady? What is she doing here at this forbidden hour? I cannot calm myself, too many questions flood my head. I get off the boat to get a closer look.
  We had been walking for about a mile along the coast when she suddenly stopped. The boat lay at a faraway place now. I see her look out to the endless sea, I follow her gaze. I cannot find a stone out of place. I wonder if it was the best of decisions to follow a stranger.
  I look at her with more curiosity now. Her face seems familiar. I am not able to place her in my memory. I continue looking at this golden-skinned being. Her beauty is astonishing. I look up at the fine creation waiting ahead for me.
 I cannot stop myself from being attracted to her. I feel something stirring within me, like a fire engulfing my soul. I cannot trust my senses anymore. I am afraid, but the fear seems to die with every passing second. I should not stop now, I must not. The creator must have his due appreciation tonight.
 I am a mere mortal, a man of earth and clay. I can fight the desires of men, but not of gods themselves.
 She turns to look at me, and I know it’s time. I look into her eyes, I can sense her longing. She has been waiting for this night for a long time. I touch her golden skin, and I sense her breathing grow heavier. A goddess in her mortal form, giving in to the desires of men.
We embrace our reality. We give in, to the night.


I woke up at dawn, I was in my hut. It could not have been just another dream. I remember every detail of the night before. I ran to the spot where she had stopped to stare at the sea. I could not believe what I saw. The struggle of the previous night lay evident in the wet sand before me.

I returned to the abandoned boat, every full moon since.
I never saw her again, but her presence never went unnoticed.

March 21st : End of chapter 1

Today I would like to catalog my thoughts on books.

Books are beautiful. They’re one of the best creations of mankind. Books give us the power to leave this mortal form and teleport into a distant universe. An escape for humanity, from humanity. 

A book, well written serves as a teacher, a Scholar and a priest. Who among us can vouch otherwise? It gives us knowledge. Stores our memories, and ignites our passion. 

There are a million stories out there in the universe to be shared, one book at a time.

I too intend to write. Add a drop to the ocean that already exists. Imprint my memory in the form of a story that i hope to outlive my time on this planet. I believe it is possible. The hardest part of a journey is the start. I have started. The journey is going to be more fruitful ahead. 

Every one of us has a dream. A dream that is sometimes stronger than reality itself. But how do we make it our reality. Do we sit and talk about it? Or day-dream? 

There has to be something that each one of us has to do, a step towards the horizon.

A horizon at which our aspirations and reality is one and the same. At which we do not dream to be, but live to be. And we are all searching for this place. It is right there up ahead on the road we have chosen to traverse. For all roads lead us to our true destiny. I believe that i am en route to mine. Hope you are too. And somewhere along this path we shall meet again. And i sincerely hope it is on the other side of this horizon.

I am afraid to take the risk, afraid to let go. This rope I hold on to in this perfect world is all that i have to remind myself of it. The minute I let go, I’m reborn. A different life and a different time. But I do not want that. We're all too comfortable in our little shells. The hard exterior that has taken eons to mold. We do not want to let it all wash away. Be stranded on another island and make it home. 

I am afraid to let go. 

I will on a different day. I must. For a world awaits my presence. A creation in the universe, just for me. I do not have the strength or belief today, tomorrow!

I must share this one incident with you. About my greatest passion in this life. Football.

It all started some years back. I was at school. A normal average kid, who believed to be special, There was nothing special about him. He was like anybody else.

Beautiful days, filled with hope and laughter. 

It was an age, when we are all like lost ships at sea. The high current taking us places. Just drifting along. Football was something like an anchor in my life. It helped me against the currents. I wasn't drifting anymore. I felt at home. At peace.

It was a wonderful thing. The sheer joy of playing. I wasn't particularly good at it. Nothing exceptional. But inside me lived a creature that fueled my desire to get better. There were days I would not listen to anybody else. I was arrogant. I believed my place to be was at a field and nowhere but there. Every game I played every broken sweat. It all had made sense to me. Life had a meaning, a purpose. 

There were days I used to think. Wonder when I would eventually stop playing? Every time that thought found its way into my head, i would kill it with a series of promises to myself. Promises to work harder. To never quit. If someone had told me in those days that I would distance myself from it in a couple of years, I would have laughed at him. I had a passion so strong that nothing else seemed even remotely important. 

I do not play anymore. I quit after a series of recurring injuries. 

Imagine a life where you are not allowed to do what you love the most. I felt helpless. I felt angry. I hated this world for being this cruel to me. Where did I falter, lose my way of righteousness that i was being punished so severely. I had no answer, nobody to demand answer.

I replayed that event a million times over in my head. Only if i hadn't gone to play that day, if somehow i could go back and alter a small detail.

I did try to play after the initial incident. But it was never the same. Fear replaced hope. I could not enjoy without being afraid. And then it happened again. I decided to stop playing. It was my decision. I hated myself. But i believed it was my time to quit.

  After a while, a thought got stuck in my head. I started believing that it was the way life was trying to talk to me, trying to tell me something. 

And then I asked myself again, when would I stop playing?

I did not laugh this time, no more promises either.

To Buster

hi Buster,

 I am happy and sad. Happy that i stumbled upon this brain child of yours. Let me take some time to applaud your creation. I believe writing is an art. An art so beautiful. It lets us escape this realm for a short while. Lets us free our mind. Writing to me is a way of being happy. I find happiness in the simple words that form in my head. I am sure most of us are like this. Let me tell you that i haven't started writing on your website yet. But i find the idea wonderful. I can find myself enjoying spending time on 750words. Thank you for this. But what saddens me is the fact that i might be late. Late to discover the beauty of this page. Late to enjoy the happy times. I read a few posts from your side of being helpless to support this venture. I wish to help and support your cause. This is my first post ever on this page. I was introduced to this page by a good friend of mine. She had mentioned about this website a long time ago. I was just too lazy and preoccupied with the less important things in life to check it up. Now i know better. I always end up reaching late to the obvious destinations. It has been sometime now that i realized my true calling is to be a writer. For a long time, i had wandered through the long lonely roads of my subconscious wondering what is my true purpose in this life. Which is that prophecy i was destined to fulfill. After a prolonged period of doubt, one fine day like this one i realized that maybe i should write things down. And so it began. I have a very deep thought process. I believe in the existence of a vast universe within these simple minds of a person. And to explore every remote place in this universe is a challenge which only a handful of us undertake. I believe i am one of them. When we subject ourselves to push the limits of our mundane thinking, we transform ourselves. We attain a level of simplicity. A simplicity that is littered with complex thinking. After which we tend to perceive things differently. Life becomes more philosophical. We see the beauty in the things that are considered ugly. We attain nirvana. I have not reached that state yet. It is going to be a while before i am even slightly close. As of now i am knocking at all the closed doors within myself. I am trying to forge the keys for the locked ones. But i know that is exactly what i would do in this life. I am going to crossover. The river of doubt has stopped flooding, and the floods receding. I know what is to be done. But my greatest fear is that i might not fulfill my promises. I would not amount to anything. Fear is a funny feeling. It impedes progress. It creates ferocious demons. I must slay my demons. I will slay my demons. What is my immediate course of action? I am still lost. I traverse the plain trusting my senses. They have not betrayed me yet. There is a lot to accomplish. A million promises to keep. And a million promises to give. I had mentioned above about hoping to be supportive to your cause. But i am not sure yet if i will be. That is one of my greatest frailties. I tend to think too much into things and make a mountain out of a small mound. That is one of the reasons i like the decisions i make on an impulse. They are less practical when we think about them later and more probable. There are so many flaws in me as a person. So many small things that i would like to change about myself. But not essentially changing the person i am. As a person i am flawed, but who among us are not. But then again when you think about it, i am the person i am because of all my flaws. And that is something i have to live with. I will keep writing on this page. I can say that one of the doors have been opened. I think this is going to help me grow up. Help me get better at writing. So till tomorrow let me bid farewell to you. I shall keep working towards a better tomorrow.

Thank you

Answers!!

I am afraid

scared and beaten

I have a purpose

and a path shown

while i wait

for the epochal fall

wind my clock

and stand it tall

a step ahead 

into the night

every blow taken

a lonely fight

i look up to

the faint little star

With this resolute answer

I shall win the War

Head i win, tails you lose!

We all have an alter ego. Some of us have names for them. They are omnipresent. Watching us from a distance, judging us. They look at our missteps with contempt, Appreciating our achievements and scrutinizing our decisions.

They are everything we want to be. They are perfection in our little spheres. All our aspirations and dreams alive, bordering our reality. 

We would like to eliminate our shortcomings. Kill the less fortunate self. Perfect the half created creature we see in the mirror. Who among us would beg to differ? I doubt any of us would truly consider ourselves perfect. There is always that small misplaced chromosome.

And that chromosome is exactly why we are all unique. We are the perfected form of our imperfections. We are alike and different. 

But then again aren't we all trying to blend in. Escape the hovering eye. Camouflage. 

Most of us are following the same steps laid out before us by the first ones. Its always the flaws that make us do things different. The way we end up doing the exact same thing in an entirely different way. 

Then why do we ask ourselves to be same and different at the same time? Why go through the same charade in a different costume? 

One can only assume that none of us know what is that we truly want. Have that ulterior doubt that maybe there is something out there or someone who would change our lives as we know it. 

Life is too simple at times. It gets sticky when we try to ask the right questions. Like a fish trying to free itself. 

Maybe the successful are the ones who answered the right questions. The questions which evade the obvious and the oblivious. The Key to fulfillment lies within us. Just open our minds and wander the unfamiliar path. Somewhere along the way i am sure we would all find out which are the right questions to ask. 

The Answer, is Life.