ReIncarnation

 I am in an induced state of being,

in a state that feels surreal at times.

all forgotten and freeing,

subtly through life's chimes. 

I remember the past glory,

and the strength in my armour.

But today I am part of the story,

and a forgotten charmer. 

I feel like an old man, 

in a young man's life.

Living a young man's life,

through an old man's eyes.

When did it all go away,

When did you let it go?

It seems so elusive now,

fleeting at your fingertips.

Time to recenter oneself,

recalibrate and reincarnate.

Wipe away the old verses,

write down new stanzas.

Like this one,

and keep some of the old.

But refresh and rejuvenate. 

Reiterate and redeem.

Lets flip things around,

and make no sense of it.

Lets ask more questions,

and answer those unanswered ones. 

Lets be in a haste,

and not let any moment go waste.

Let us hold hands,

and surge ahead.

It is time to forgive oneself,

for the past got you until this moment.

To unlock the next phase,

please say the following phrase in 3  different languages:

Bloop. Bleep. Whackadoodle. 

It is time.

How I have missed you?

Being a part of you.

Feeling things long lost,

tasting a forgotten memory.

Why be elusive?

Why be someone else?

Why care about the world?

Lets burn it all down,

Let take each thing apart,

one by one.

Let us rebuild it all anew. 

Let us recreate, remould. 

Sit up now,

time to wake up. 

You have been drugged for far too long,

The haze is waning,

Numbness fading. 

It is all coming back.

Look up now,

Nobody's here. 

Nobody ever was. 

Or has been. 

Or ever will.

It is just you,

and will always be,

Just you.

Stand up now.

Scream into the void.

Shout it out loud,

and walk away.

For this nothingness will never remember,

will never respond. 

So take what is yours,

burn them old bridges,

and memories,

and hopes.

Let's dream again.

And this time, 

Let us not care. 

Lets go back to the place, 

when you started,

and undo everything. 

Let us rebuild.

Relearn.

Recreate. 

Reclaim. 

It is time. 

Remembrance

You know you’re alive,
For now,
In this place and time.
You sense it too,
It’s too short awhile,
People and places,
Happiness and feelings,
Moments and memories,
Everything dies.
But is not enough time,
To commit each line,
Into this world,
Give it life.
Each word read,
A lifetime felt,
A memory etched,
Another stretched.
Re-remembering the scent,
Re-finding it’s lost place,
Among the other million times,
Of similar days.
But you should,
For you’re the only one,
And nobody else can,
Speak the same tongue,
Utter the same words,
Feel the same loss.
And for memories,
Of lost friends,
And forgotten lovers,
For the existing colours,
And the ones unseen,
For the foreseen memories,
And forgotten days,
For the love you felt,
And the one which hurts.
You need to get it out.
Breathe into life those words.
Give them life,
And your soul.
Become immortal.
Conquer death.
All this and an unforgotten life.
Start now before it’s too late.
Die a thousand more times,
To relive a single memory.
Tell them all,
Show it to them,
Make them live though it,
Scream it out loud,
Create a world,
A universe,
A life they will all relive,
Though you.
In your memories,
And mistakes.
And myriad of fantasies.
And so I must.
To keep them all alive.

Through these words.

Snexistential crisis

People come and go to this place. Some stay a while and some stay for the people staying. Some are regulars and others I’ve never met before. It’s all the same. They all have the same walk and manners. Some walk with purpose and you know they are not going to stay. And others walk slow and are less worried about getting there. I have seen each king drop by and stay awhile. They get a drink and exchange ideas. Or Stories and memories and what nots. I wouldn’t know what they speak in their human tongue, for I have never spoken to any or heard them speak. I watch from a distance, coiled around this pillar. I cannot move closer as I cannot move at all. I am stuck here in this nook. I do wonder sometimes about my life. I wonder where do I end and where does the pillar begin? Am I a snake coiled around a pillar or a pillar with a sentient snake? And why am I self aware? Who is doing my thinking when I have no living body? It’s too much to process for a snake coiled around a pillar. I do not eat. I do not move. Yet I feel I have the knowledge of the world flowing though me. I feel as though I have been here all my life. I came from the earth and I will return to it someday. Earth to Earth. No mission control here. From dust to dust. Just with a little time spent around observing those who pass by this place. I cannot move or speak or think. I am a snake coiled around a pillar. Sentient, self aware and stationary. Maybe with a dash of existential crisis. 

Pink

I loved you.
More so unknown than I could ever tell you.
I did tell you.
I know that you knew.
I knew that you did too.

It was supposed to be eternal,
You and I.
Doing what we do,
across time and space.
Being us. Just us.

You were a flawed being.
With your stubbornness and beliefs.
I was too, and still am.
But it was our little world,
and us against everything else.

I picked you over everyone else,
sometimes even myself.
I truly loved you.
You were my first and my last.
You still are.

Every memory I have is shared.
With you.
All our firsts,
and our lasts.

I miss you Pink.
More than ever.

I am sorry,
I should have been there.
I am sorry I couldn't be better.
I am sorry.

Your memories are all I have,
Our times together.
I do not know what this life is without you.
It hurts.
Terribly.

Everyday is a reminder of something we did.
You are always there.
You will always be here with me.
Forever.

You are the only one pink,
and I cannot forgive myself,
I wish we could hang again.
Like we used to.

I wish I could talk to you,
for hours, and speak about nothing.
I wish you could be here,
with me.

Here, not for long.

I will write today,
As I did yesterday,
but not the day before,
for I too am human,
and share the species frailties.
But I too am human,
and I share the same hopelessness.
The same virtue of forlorn need,
for finding substance in subtleties.

What I did not write was about,
the words which are seldom said,
life chimes in wind,
each sounding different to the gust.
I did not tell you about the pain,
about how we stuff our hearts,
in square shaped boxes,
made to fit square shaped hearts,
but not for heart shaped squares.
About how we long for meaning,
for substance in truth,
for resistance in words,
for acceptance in silence.

I did write about the world,
about life as one sees it.
About existence in pain,
and perseverance in boredom.
About longing for love,
and loving her long.
I wrote about the lies we tell,
the ones we believe.
and accept and abhor.
About the empty promises we make. 

Where do dreams go to die?

A life too short to live,

A body too fragile to hold,

with concubines in this hive,

our lies repeatedly sold.

Is this what it was to be?

were we living a lie?

Where do our dreams go to die?

What happens to the promises?

Unfulfilled ones lives on forever,

in the memories of their lovers.

Forgotten ones remembered,

in relived memories of longing.

Another world awaits,

for those left behind this one,

a better one with hope and happiness,

and unfulfilled promises. 

True.

Aren't we all becoming drones?
Doing what we think will make us happy.
Or lead us to happiness.
Feeling nothing along the way.
Hoping we are on the right path,
to someone else's idea of fulfilment.

We are transforming into something else,
nothing really matters,
no great wars to fight,
or hardships to overcome.
We look towards the past hoping for an answer.
And the past looks back asking where we went wrong.

How does one keep up?
Where is the quest in this life?
The purpose one claims to be his.
The passion in ones life.

In circles we run,
and nobody tries to break it.
no one stops to think what is all this about?
Who or what are we going towards?

I will move forward,
procreate and ensure my progeny too ruins the planet,
and then I would die out.
Like the rest of us.
Death will come unannounced.

There is no end goal.
No nothing to fight for.
Nothing worth investing your time in.
You do nothing.

Yet we do this.
We look at others for answers,
to questions only we ask.
Maybe I am the single consciousness,
in this vast system of drones.

The more i try to mimic them,
the less I succeed.
I cannot stop being me.
All this while I have been fighting.
A fight I will never win. 

Who do Gods worship?

Did I forgive my forefathers?

For who’s sins I am not aware of.

Or did my chest swell with pride,

For their virtues outlived their memories.

And about my progeny, I wonder.

What will they hear about me?

Do I still have time to right the wrong?

Or be human and forgotten?

Will I be remembered as a great poet?

Or a good human being?

Or a selfish human struggling to survive.

Maybe it is the choice I make.

Each day, every hour, every minute. 

I don’t atone for the sins of the ones before me 

I don’t believe anyone else will for mine.

For I am a mortal,

In the long bloodlines of immortal men.

Seeking atonement for the ones before.

Cosmic High

Do not worship this mortal body,
for I want you to hold my soul.
The idea that we're twin souls of a whole,
created by a cosmic fault.

I long for you lover,
in more ways than known to man.
For we do not belong here,
not in this restrained land.

And I want you to know,
I want you to feel this,
this energy that flows through me,
making me crave your soul.

I cherish your love,
your eternal adoration,
for this mortal damnation,
will never hold us long.

We would unite,
and stars would die,
and universes be reborn,
with this cosmic high.

Summer

I will forget you someday.
I did, the ones before you.
And create new life,
and an endless sea of hope.

We repeat these circles,
iterate over another,
scar our lives further,
hoping to bleed anew.

Breathing a new life,
each time over,
another cursed cycle,
another craving soul.

I wish I did not.
I hope to remember.
But I know this life better now,
I know time will melt the snow.

Now we part ways,
maybe we'd meet again,
in a crowded bar, playing old memories,
with the summer tunes from the past.

I'd get us beers,
or celebratory shots.
We're old friends remember,
who forgot to forget.

Begin again II

I am in a different life,

In a different time space continuum,

Creating new as I destroy the old,

No not the old, but the would have been,

I ran from the eventuality,

Tried to wrestle my fate from the being,

Forged new alliances,

And fought new demons,

But as the sun sets,

And the horizon approaches,

I try once again to slow it down.

Take the last breath of life.

Life is catching up again,

Making me dance to its tune,

My Vision is blurring again,

The past repeating pain.

Do I make the same mistakes?

Do I have a choice this time?

You wouldn’t know.

Neither do I. 

But this endless circle consumes us all,

Creating us all, destroying our soul.

a day forward at a time in the future,

A day back, into our past.

Nothingness.

She roamed his fantasies,
free and unbound.
Desire, lust and senses,
all fulfilled, all consumed.
He let his mind run free,
no shackles, no chain links,
no streets blocked, no bridges broken,
The world was theirs, and they took it.
They caught the last train out,
They saw the first ray in.
No stone left unturned,
No sea uncrossed.
She spread like wildfire,
into his fertile mind, empty soul.
He breathed fire,
choked on her desire.
Nothing else existed,
No other universe, but theirs.
No other being but self,
Even the nothingness belonged to them.
And from nothingness they were born,
creating everything, destroying everything,
Controlling everything, Consuming everything.
Once they were done, they went back,
back into the emptiness,
Into nothingness.

Fire

We met in chaos
With your world
half burning Into mine
Half consuming lust
Almost lovers loved
Separated by bodies
Mortals playing gods
In momentary haze
Their world screaming
Ours holding still

If I'd reach for you
Would you still exist
Would you consume
And let me
Or would you disappear
Into the night
As Another creature
All suffocating cage
Living with fire
Within fire, a fire

Amma

You are my constant.
My world and everything in it.
It all started with you,
And ends with you.
You were my first friend,
My very first words,
And every breath since.
I have loved you for the longest,
And during the hardest of times.
I know you love me,
And you will to the very end.
You taught me everything I know,
You made me the man I am today,
Your sacrifices were our stepping stones,
You make us stronger.
I love you Amma.
I miss you every single day.
Happy birthday!

Longing.

There is a life,
Well beyond your reach,
Yet all around you,
Everywhere you look.
Yet nowhere to be seen,
In happiness,
Hope and longing,
Family and friends,
A good long weekend,
Laughs that cannot be replaced,
Memories you want to cherish,
Places that held meanings,
Times you cannot hold on to.
Wishing you could do over,
Every little thing again,
In the exact same way,
Nothing new.
Just to feel the same way again,
Live those beautiful moments,
Making them last,
Over again.

I miss it all.

Surreal

I still search for you,
on every face i see,
in the lost cities,
in a forgotten time.
I see your shadows,
almost in my grasp,
losing at the sight,
every other night.
Yet you tease me,
giving me just enough,
keeping me hooked on,
making me believe.
I search in the cracks,
I break things to see,
I hope to find you,
and yet I wish I don't.
You will always exist,
forever and eternal,
at the outer edges of my reach,
bordering reality.
Will I ever find you,
or walk straight into you,
in a crowded place,
looking lost.
You will never let me,
your existence is transient in this realm.
But I will look for you,
I will look into your eyes,
hold you,
kiss you,
and forever want to forget i did.
because your existence negates mine,
we don't belong together,
we communicate through the cracks,
through unspoken words,
in imaginary places.
I will never have you,
but I will look for you.
In places, on faces.
I will look for you,
In worlds that do not exist.
and feelings that never did. 

Enlightenment

I am on my own.
I am the centre of my universe.
I create and destroy everything around me.
I see. I feel. I touch. I exist.
It is my fears that manifests these illusions.
Life is an illusion hiding behind our senses.
Nothing exists. You create it all.
I am the creator. I am the eternal being.
I created god to stay humble.
and the devil, to embrace my self.
I created the forbidden sins,
to want to sin.
I created ambition to sustain this dream.
Now I question if I am alone.
Does it all exist because I do?
Then what is on the other side?

Lust.

The skin smooth and soft over your luscious body. With sweat sickly sweet on your brown skin. The little details contoured by its dampness and enhanced by its trailing wetness. I sit here and lust for that body. And feel this need to quench my thirst. I yearn to be consumed by your lust. The way you moved through my fantasies. Caressing one demon and fondling the other. Condemning their sins while making them ours. Words can't quite describe these feelings. You cannot capture the want in its original form. Its easier when we're together. When we let our bodies do the talking. When I can run wild over your forbidden softness. Look deep into your eyes and worship our sin. Let it all fall and shatter. Let the worlds collapse. We'd be burning by then. Up in flames of lust. I'd consume your demons. I'll flame your fire. And you'd burn me whole.

Village bard

You will succeed
At the stroke of the night
When the children are asleep
And the widows start to weep

You will remain strong,
Resilient to the wind,
The Piper is on his song,
And against his words you're pinned.

But do not quiver,
Do not shudder,
Your resolve,
Is your only strength.

So you fight hard,
You show your strength.
You're the village bard,
You fight till the nth.