Pink

I loved you.
More so unknown than I could ever tell you.
I did tell you.
I know that you knew.
I knew that you did too.

It was supposed to be eternal,
You and I.
Doing what we do,
across time and space.
Being us. Just us.

You were a flawed being.
With your stubbornness and beliefs.
I was too, and still am.
But it was our little world,
and us against everything else.

I picked you over everyone else,
sometimes even myself.
I truly loved you.
You were my first and my last.
You still are.

Every memory I have is shared.
With you.
All our firsts,
and our lasts.

I miss you Pink.
More than ever.

I am sorry,
I should have been there.
I am sorry I couldn't be better.
I am sorry.

Your memories are all I have,
Our times together.
I do not know what this life is without you.
It hurts.
Terribly.

Everyday is a reminder of something we did.
You are always there.
You will always be here with me.
Forever.

You are the only one pink,
and I cannot forgive myself,
I wish we could hang again.
Like we used to.

I wish I could talk to you,
for hours, and speak about nothing.
I wish you could be here,
with me.

Battle your demons each day kids!

I sense your longing,
a lost fleeting song,
one with memories etched in its words,
fading away into nothingness.

You smile through the pain,
the struggles of someone too old to be young,
too young to be reborn,
too old to be someone else.

Some days seem unreal,
uphill battles and volcanic ashes,
and others fierce with possibilities,
and overwhelming strength.

Time to reset,
sleep, wake up and sleep.
Be aware and awake and asleep.
Let us postpone it to another day.

Life and the constant battle to keep your demons at bay.
Did you laugh today?
Or cry. Or think. Or dream?
Did you live today?

I did not. I have not for a long time.

Where do dreams go to die?

A life too short to live,

A body too fragile to hold,

with concubines in this hive,

our lies repeatedly sold.

Is this what it was to be?

were we living a lie?

Where do our dreams go to die?

What happens to the promises?

Unfulfilled ones lives on forever,

in the memories of their lovers.

Forgotten ones remembered,

in relived memories of longing.

Another world awaits,

for those left behind this one,

a better one with hope and happiness,

and unfulfilled promises. 

Surreal

I still search for you,
on every face i see,
in the lost cities,
in a forgotten time.
I see your shadows,
almost in my grasp,
losing at the sight,
every other night.
Yet you tease me,
giving me just enough,
keeping me hooked on,
making me believe.
I search in the cracks,
I break things to see,
I hope to find you,
and yet I wish I don't.
You will always exist,
forever and eternal,
at the outer edges of my reach,
bordering reality.
Will I ever find you,
or walk straight into you,
in a crowded place,
looking lost.
You will never let me,
your existence is transient in this realm.
But I will look for you,
I will look into your eyes,
hold you,
kiss you,
and forever want to forget i did.
because your existence negates mine,
we don't belong together,
we communicate through the cracks,
through unspoken words,
in imaginary places.
I will never have you,
but I will look for you.
In places, on faces.
I will look for you,
In worlds that do not exist.
and feelings that never did. 

Goodbye bee.

I wanted you. I longed for you.
Truly. Wholeheartedly. Honestly.
I wanted the whole of you. Every bit.
I wanted to make you smile.
And I wanted to make you mine.
You are that one memory..
I've played over and over again.
It gives me the shivers even now.
Thinking of that one moment in time.
How it could have gone.
And how it ended up being.
I know you felt it too. That one time.
And that's all it was. That one time.
Now I see you. And I don't.
I long for that feeling to return.
I hope against hope that you remember.
But I know you don't. Might never again.
Yet I gaze away from your eyes.
I'm afraid to show you my burning soul.
I will wait for it to burn down.
And the memories along with it.
I'll be broken again. Melted and cast.
But I'll be shinning on the outside.
And you wouldn't know.
I wished it was different this time. 

Are we ready?

What is this life about anyway. It's like a maze that was intended with no final destination. You start and follow the predestined order of things and people. Your choices are well limited within the physics of this mechanism. It makes you feel like you're in a hamster wheel. One that is rotating at a very high speed.
One might argue that we have our choices and we choose to be a part of all this. Do you have a choice? If we did choose this, then why is it that we feel so numb. Like there is something out there that makes more sense than this ever did. Like life was given to us to serve a particular purpose. This consciousness needs validation.

I was sent here to alter the set course of nature and events. I was a lynchpin, without ever knowing where or how I served my purpose. That is the one question that makes us wonder. Yes we did play our part, but what was it. How did I influence in sculpting the future of this end of the universe without even being aware of it. 

Maybe I was placed here in this time and space for the purpose of asking these questions. These questions that might be read by an unknown person, who might take the right step towards answering them. And he in-turn facilitating someone else to accomplish his life's purpose. 

I want to find 

the end of the world

to look over the horizon

to the other side 

that is hidden

from us in plain sight

must bring it to light.

Where does this end

and where does it begin.

How do i escape

this loop of time.

Why do I feel 

that there is more.

Was I chosen?

an aberration.

To find an answer.