Pink

I loved you.
More so unknown than I could ever tell you.
I did tell you.
I know that you knew.
I knew that you did too.

It was supposed to be eternal,
You and I.
Doing what we do,
across time and space.
Being us. Just us.

You were a flawed being.
With your stubbornness and beliefs.
I was too, and still am.
But it was our little world,
and us against everything else.

I picked you over everyone else,
sometimes even myself.
I truly loved you.
You were my first and my last.
You still are.

Every memory I have is shared.
With you.
All our firsts,
and our lasts.

I miss you Pink.
More than ever.

I am sorry,
I should have been there.
I am sorry I couldn't be better.
I am sorry.

Your memories are all I have,
Our times together.
I do not know what this life is without you.
It hurts.
Terribly.

Everyday is a reminder of something we did.
You are always there.
You will always be here with me.
Forever.

You are the only one pink,
and I cannot forgive myself,
I wish we could hang again.
Like we used to.

I wish I could talk to you,
for hours, and speak about nothing.
I wish you could be here,
with me.

Battle your demons each day kids!

I sense your longing,
a lost fleeting song,
one with memories etched in its words,
fading away into nothingness.

You smile through the pain,
the struggles of someone too old to be young,
too young to be reborn,
too old to be someone else.

Some days seem unreal,
uphill battles and volcanic ashes,
and others fierce with possibilities,
and overwhelming strength.

Time to reset,
sleep, wake up and sleep.
Be aware and awake and asleep.
Let us postpone it to another day.

Life and the constant battle to keep your demons at bay.
Did you laugh today?
Or cry. Or think. Or dream?
Did you live today?

I did not. I have not for a long time.

Here, not for long.

I will write today,
As I did yesterday,
but not the day before,
for I too am human,
and share the species frailties.
But I too am human,
and I share the same hopelessness.
The same virtue of forlorn need,
for finding substance in subtleties.

What I did not write was about,
the words which are seldom said,
life chimes in wind,
each sounding different to the gust.
I did not tell you about the pain,
about how we stuff our hearts,
in square shaped boxes,
made to fit square shaped hearts,
but not for heart shaped squares.
About how we long for meaning,
for substance in truth,
for resistance in words,
for acceptance in silence.

I did write about the world,
about life as one sees it.
About existence in pain,
and perseverance in boredom.
About longing for love,
and loving her long.
I wrote about the lies we tell,
the ones we believe.
and accept and abhor.
About the empty promises we make. 

Where do dreams go to die?

A life too short to live,

A body too fragile to hold,

with concubines in this hive,

our lies repeatedly sold.

Is this what it was to be?

were we living a lie?

Where do our dreams go to die?

What happens to the promises?

Unfulfilled ones lives on forever,

in the memories of their lovers.

Forgotten ones remembered,

in relived memories of longing.

Another world awaits,

for those left behind this one,

a better one with hope and happiness,

and unfulfilled promises. 

True.

Aren't we all becoming drones?
Doing what we think will make us happy.
Or lead us to happiness.
Feeling nothing along the way.
Hoping we are on the right path,
to someone else's idea of fulfilment.

We are transforming into something else,
nothing really matters,
no great wars to fight,
or hardships to overcome.
We look towards the past hoping for an answer.
And the past looks back asking where we went wrong.

How does one keep up?
Where is the quest in this life?
The purpose one claims to be his.
The passion in ones life.

In circles we run,
and nobody tries to break it.
no one stops to think what is all this about?
Who or what are we going towards?

I will move forward,
procreate and ensure my progeny too ruins the planet,
and then I would die out.
Like the rest of us.
Death will come unannounced.

There is no end goal.
No nothing to fight for.
Nothing worth investing your time in.
You do nothing.

Yet we do this.
We look at others for answers,
to questions only we ask.
Maybe I am the single consciousness,
in this vast system of drones.

The more i try to mimic them,
the less I succeed.
I cannot stop being me.
All this while I have been fighting.
A fight I will never win. 

Gardien des étoiles

I have watched eternity,

Since before the birth of time,

As a voyeur of creation,

and the protector of the void.

I have seen everything,

from the tiny specs of dust,

in the aftermath of cosmic annihilations,

to the creation of life,

and its eternal struggle in vain.

I am alone in this quest,

to wait out time,

and the other constructs,

and observe from a distance.

And I remain eternal,

watching one race conquer another,

and be conquered in-turn 

by yet a superior one.

With no desire to influence,

no action consequential,

no life worth saving,

no heaven worth living,

I witness it all.

The sentient call me,

'Gardien des étoiles'',

Guardian of the stars.

Mortals craving meaning,

Mystifying the unknown.

I am the all powerful,

for nothing has power over I,

I am your conscience,

a creation of another fool,

trapped in a time loop.

How dare you question my existence?,

For I was here, and I will be,

long after the end of time,

witnessing the birth of another.

 

Breathless

You are history's forgotten child
Born in simpler times
With no Great Wars to fight
And no mountain too big to scale
A million, no a billion and more
You are a part of everything
In every face, your smile too evident
Looking through eyes
Deep as the blackest night
And anchor-less in deep sea
Nothing you see in new
No feeling a stranger
No destination anew

These eyes of the world
Has seen it all before
And will see it all again
Time and place apart
And the mirrors will fail
Repeating their wares
Seen a billion times,
Saying the same thing.
Live, love and be loved.
The slow process of death
And life's infinite combinations
All played out the same
Saying nothing new.

But,
Do not stop running,
You might fall off this construct
Into an endless blackness,
Of dimensions unknown
But then again,
Aren't we all in one already.

Away.

I miss you today
It's one of those days
When I struggle to breathe
Where I notice the void
Left behind by you
In my numbing days

I don't miss you On other days
When I have the world
To conquer and consume
When I replace you
With little things

But like yin and yang
You creep back into
Again and again
This lifeless existence
You disrupt my life
You make me notice things

I don't see colors anymore,
But see it's absence
Happiness almost present
Left longing for more
I hear your voice
Each note in every song ever made

And each night
I wish you were here
Every morning I long for your warmth
And all the things
That we left unsaid
I wish we could scream

The Medium

You are submerged in a dark liquid.

No light dives beneath its surface.

You cannot see. The darkness is absolute.

You are held there. You are not floating.

Not drowning, just still.

You can feel the medium all around you.

Yet you cannot touch it.

Your skin is foreign to its touch.

You are no longer breathing.

You are not suffocating either.

But you long to breathe. 

It does not kill you.

Its changing your reality.

Are you ready to accept now?

That there is no air to breathe.

You do not have to breathe anymore to exist.

Your existence is felt through the ripples, 

Not the bubbles.

Scar the soul

How I miss the pain,
that kept me afloat.
On this river of gain,
with a full life to gloat.

A painful forgotten memory,
which burned half my soul.
A longing for the loss,
that made me once whole.

And one did drown,
when it hurt more than ever.
A choice in brown,
He lunged in, forever.

Life easier now,
and another love.
but a longing remained,
to scar the soul below.

A dreamer.

A dreamer who lived
Who loved
Every single dream
Of his realm
Smaller ones built
On banks of green
Bigger ones flowing
Covering all that seem
He lived there
In those castles he created
In those imaginary caves
And non existent happiness.
When everyone was happy
And nothing but happy.

Then came a dark day
And he did see it coming
He saw the cracks
Running across his dream
And slowly it did happen
Till that one day
When he last saw hope
A flower untouched.
For it was the first
And now the last
To be consumed...
It died
So did he.

Amid that dead dream
Lay a flower
In whose name
Once lived a lover...

The Selfish World of the Selfless.

The world is out to get you,
keep a watch over your shoulders.
The world is going to hunt you,
fight you with its soldiers.
They are going to brand you,
torture and break you,
all forms of induced pain,
for all reasons of selfish gain.

Go on now, be the hunted,
run for cover, and be shunted
till your legs falter and begin to bleed
till your last breath before you fall and plead.
And stay down, lie really low
cower yourself and await the next blow.
While at it, recite a silent prayer
and skin your ego, another layer.

Oh you loved them! You gave them power,
And the life was good, while it was your lover.
You danced to their songs and whispered in their tongue
knowing very well, when they'll have you hung
And that is when they had you blind,
had your trust, appeared too kind.
But you played along, all too well.
let the dream be, a tolerable hell.

And now,

Don't you hear them anymore?
taunting, tempting.
offering everything that was before.
Don't you hear your laughter?
from an another time, place.
Calling you back, asking your price.
Would you give in? Please come back.
Once more, Just once.

Almost heaven.

                                       I

We embody a soul
a soul never whole
We relish the hunt

As we live for the blunt

And so we survive

As Each day you thrive

On a hardwired lie

That you wouldn't die

Unless you have found

With your bloodly hound

That broken pretty thing

With the other half wing

Who could finish your start

Who would wait to last

In whose brokenness you're whole

In whose body lies your soul

                                       II

And what if you too, are wrong

Her name, another song?

Would you still go on?

Wake up another morn?

Oh! Aren't you the one

As another, or none

Oh let's forget the lie

Maybe it's time to die

Pour me another cup

Maybe the time is up

You go only so far with the gin

Time for the greatest sin

You cut off your half wing

And in despair you sing

To those who loved

And To those who lived.

Forever never.

I listen to your silence
Your slow dance
An unnerving trance
soul searching chance?

Shrouded in the noise
Is your little voice
Enchanting as ever
Or forever never?

And I still hold
Onto what was told
All dear and old
Promises being sold

I am on the ledge
An icy plunge ahead
Awaits my senses
Awake my senses

As I wake up
As a dream remembered
You.
Enchanting as ever
Or forever never?

Purple

You look at the world
With purple eyes
A dream being sold
Another dies

With no foothold
You try to stand
In a sea too old
Prophecies in sand

Why was life given
And told, be dear
Its death forgiven
Virgin blood I smear

How many more
Nights ashore
Will it take to
Be folklore

Would it be whole
Purple again
incomplete soul
Coveted pain

All awaiting eventual doom

Gloom fills this cheerful room

spinning its webs on an ancient loom

swept aside by a hopeful broom

All awaiting eventual doom

Death Song

A shade lurking
Not in past
Your future coming
Cherish your last

I plague this earth
Since time dearth
As a sly sloth
A bothersome moth

You owe me a dime
A dime of nine
A dime in time
A dime forever mine

No man no beast
Nor kings in the East
Lived through my treacherous claim
Escaped my terrible name.

Darkened tunnel

I am not asking for freedom
Suffocating silver shrine
Summer sulking wind
Windows to none

lost and lonely
Surrounded by subtlety
Sunbathed in depression
Together in doubt

Path to proceed
Ragged and unknown
Uncertain silver lining
Certainty waiting

Will it wait
Puppets to react
Strings to tighten
Songs to write

The clock chimes slower
Narrow darkened tunnel
Explosive anorexic aftertaste
Alert quiet steps

Simpler dreams

Men with purpose
And their constricted lives
Men with time
And their wasted lives

Together they walk
To the luminescent star
Beneath they seek
To brighten their scar

Separate tales
of a mysterious cave
Sinister eyes
Of the older men brave

Holding on to
Their simpler dreams
They drift alone
In the crowded streams

To an end
That is very near
Twisted end
That is very dear

Horizon black

You look ahead
The winding roads
Come to a standstill
The dust seems to settle
Wind nonexistent
Only sound of your breath
Alarming loneliness
Awkward predators waiting
What is it that you see ahead?
Fear engulfs the present
Mysterious thoughts floating
Dreadful memories waiting
Too afraid to remember the path
A monster chasing shadows
There is only one way to go
The only path remaining
I look up ahead to see
The vast vacant sea
Horizon black