Unafraid.

I chose to not,

for once I am unafraid.

I do not believe in your words,

or your twisted sense of justice.

I follow what my heart says,

I will do what is right. 

I do not forgive,

for I strive for a higher goal.

A higher moral.

Let us live and let live. 

Who are you to judge the men,

the down trodden and the bruised?

Who are you to step on them,

and declare yourself better?

You will do the same,

You will be the same,

and yet you do not understand.

We are all the same,

we will choose what is right by us.

The right to live,

The right to breathe. 

The right to stand up and fight.

You cannot tell me or anyone to not,

when you hide behind your veil of self-righteousness.

You are no better. 

You are no better.

Be better.

Snexistential crisis

People come and go to this place. Some stay a while and some stay for the people staying. Some are regulars and others I’ve never met before. It’s all the same. They all have the same walk and manners. Some walk with purpose and you know they are not going to stay. And others walk slow and are less worried about getting there. I have seen each king drop by and stay awhile. They get a drink and exchange ideas. Or Stories and memories and what nots. I wouldn’t know what they speak in their human tongue, for I have never spoken to any or heard them speak. I watch from a distance, coiled around this pillar. I cannot move closer as I cannot move at all. I am stuck here in this nook. I do wonder sometimes about my life. I wonder where do I end and where does the pillar begin? Am I a snake coiled around a pillar or a pillar with a sentient snake? And why am I self aware? Who is doing my thinking when I have no living body? It’s too much to process for a snake coiled around a pillar. I do not eat. I do not move. Yet I feel I have the knowledge of the world flowing though me. I feel as though I have been here all my life. I came from the earth and I will return to it someday. Earth to Earth. No mission control here. From dust to dust. Just with a little time spent around observing those who pass by this place. I cannot move or speak or think. I am a snake coiled around a pillar. Sentient, self aware and stationary. Maybe with a dash of existential crisis. 

True.

Aren't we all becoming drones?
Doing what we think will make us happy.
Or lead us to happiness.
Feeling nothing along the way.
Hoping we are on the right path,
to someone else's idea of fulfilment.

We are transforming into something else,
nothing really matters,
no great wars to fight,
or hardships to overcome.
We look towards the past hoping for an answer.
And the past looks back asking where we went wrong.

How does one keep up?
Where is the quest in this life?
The purpose one claims to be his.
The passion in ones life.

In circles we run,
and nobody tries to break it.
no one stops to think what is all this about?
Who or what are we going towards?

I will move forward,
procreate and ensure my progeny too ruins the planet,
and then I would die out.
Like the rest of us.
Death will come unannounced.

There is no end goal.
No nothing to fight for.
Nothing worth investing your time in.
You do nothing.

Yet we do this.
We look at others for answers,
to questions only we ask.
Maybe I am the single consciousness,
in this vast system of drones.

The more i try to mimic them,
the less I succeed.
I cannot stop being me.
All this while I have been fighting.
A fight I will never win. 

Summer

I will forget you someday.
I did, the ones before you.
And create new life,
and an endless sea of hope.

We repeat these circles,
iterate over another,
scar our lives further,
hoping to bleed anew.

Breathing a new life,
each time over,
another cursed cycle,
another craving soul.

I wish I did not.
I hope to remember.
But I know this life better now,
I know time will melt the snow.

Now we part ways,
maybe we'd meet again,
in a crowded bar, playing old memories,
with the summer tunes from the past.

I'd get us beers,
or celebratory shots.
We're old friends remember,
who forgot to forget.

Nothingness.

She roamed his fantasies,
free and unbound.
Desire, lust and senses,
all fulfilled, all consumed.
He let his mind run free,
no shackles, no chain links,
no streets blocked, no bridges broken,
The world was theirs, and they took it.
They caught the last train out,
They saw the first ray in.
No stone left unturned,
No sea uncrossed.
She spread like wildfire,
into his fertile mind, empty soul.
He breathed fire,
choked on her desire.
Nothing else existed,
No other universe, but theirs.
No other being but self,
Even the nothingness belonged to them.
And from nothingness they were born,
creating everything, destroying everything,
Controlling everything, Consuming everything.
Once they were done, they went back,
back into the emptiness,
Into nothingness.

Amma

You are my constant.
My world and everything in it.
It all started with you,
And ends with you.
You were my first friend,
My very first words,
And every breath since.
I have loved you for the longest,
And during the hardest of times.
I know you love me,
And you will to the very end.
You taught me everything I know,
You made me the man I am today,
Your sacrifices were our stepping stones,
You make us stronger.
I love you Amma.
I miss you every single day.
Happy birthday!

One.

The answer was within.
At the center of the puzzle.
At the end of the ouroboros,
The end at the beginning,
And beginning at the end.
I marvel at the moment,
How soon I'm going to reset again,
Make myself forget,
To try hard to remember again.

I am the enlightened one,
At the center of the universe,
I am everything. I am nothing too.
I am the puppet master,
Letting the strings pull me,
It's too easy to control.
Let it out of your grasp.
Create to be undone,
By the creation of one.
Envied, envisioned, engulfed,
Senses enslaved to one.
And submit to none,
Because it's all in you,
You are the one.

Good Night Timey Wimey.

Close your eyes love,
enough of this darkness.
Let us rise to light again,
Let's fall in love again.

Hold on to me,
while we drift away.
Into the unknown sea,
wake into another day.

Dream on now,
we're almost there.
Together as we imagined,
breaking into the dawn.

Close your eyes love,
Let me hold you.
Nothing more to fear,
The daybreak is finally here.

You Love.

Who am I writing for anymore?
The ones who died never belonged.
The ones who live don't realise.
And Here I am...
Running away..
From my one true love..
You.
Your empty self,
wanting to be filled.
Milking my senses,
wanting my pain.
You Love.
You play me.
You indulge me.
You crave my soul.
I let you have.
Again today.
And will on all the numbered tomorrows.
You are my saviour.
You are my strength.
You are my salvation.
I live,
for our tomorrow.

A blue bag and the balance of the universe.

It was on a lazy Sunday afternoon that I'd decided to go meet her, this incredibly awesome friend of mine.
She was one of those rare creatures who did not seem to care about anything else happening around, while everyone else were busy running their exhausting mundane lives. I liked her because she was on the outside like me, watching the rest of them do their thing. I liked her because she dint seem to have the same level of femininity as other girls, or the rest of the drama that comes along with being the weaker of the sexes (Male chauvinistic me? Maybe.)
So we met at a common place where I spent most of the last six years. It had changed much, and I think I did too. She hadn't. She was this same awesome thing that I had met 6 years(?) ago.
We went to 'Subway', and got ourselves a sub and found a bench to sit down and talk about the interesting things in ones life these days. As it was the norm between us we spoke about everything that would not help us make the world a better place to live in. We finished our subs as we moved to another bench closer to where I had parked my car.
The only difference this time that I found in her was this bag of hers. A bag!! She was carrying with her a blue 'Caprese' bag. I did find that a bit odd. Not because she was carrying a bag, but because I was seeing her with one for the first time. "Girls carry bags!", I argued. She tried her bit to convince me that she was girly too, but that was the last thing I would have thought of her. And none could blame me for she would have made an awesome guy friend too. I guess life cant be that perfect too. (Perfection-is-a-myth-moment).
So coming to the odd things that happened that day. We talking about love and relationships. I explained why I'm cynical about the concept of love and she played her part to counter my arguments. And while she was talking about something about someone getting married, I noticed this tree in front of us. A tree with its branches forming a sort of deflated heart. She saw a witches hair, I clearly saw a heart! (The hopeless romantic phase refuses to get done with me).
We walked over to the nearest coffee shop to get some caffeine in our system. I got my cappuccino with another heart which I immediately crossed off (Should be seeing hearts post a breakup!!). So we sit there and talk about odd things. She was at a regular interval removing odd things from her Caprese bag, and I was constantly reminding her to come back to being one of us. There she met one of her seniors from school, whom she used to played basketball with. I mention this otherwise seemingly irrelevant piece of information here because of something this person said. She replied saying she was 'in transition', when asked about what she has been doing. What a lovely way to put it. From this day on I am 'In transition-ing' to anyone who asks me about my aim in life.
I showed my friend some off my works on my phone. I was looking at her intently, as she was reading, as I do to anyone I showcase the things I have written. I like to see how people's expressions change as they read. A subtle smile from them inspires me more than a well written review praising my work.
I noticed that she was looking prettier than usual. Wait! How is that possible? She is one of us.
I think its the bag. Its presence is disturbing the balance of this perfect little thing we have going on here.
As we walked back to my car, we stopped under a street light. The light filtering through the leaves in the ruffling wind played a very psychedelic song on the pavement.
So I dropped her back to her car, bid farewell and tried to talk her out of being girly again. (I cannot start liking this one, shes too awesome for that.)
Hmm.

And that is how a bag almost changed my perception on a lazy Sunday evening.

(Caprese is a brand! Who knew that! Thank you once again for your patience.)

Sidharth.
(Not just sid.)

Almost heaven.

                                       I

We embody a soul
a soul never whole
We relish the hunt

As we live for the blunt

And so we survive

As Each day you thrive

On a hardwired lie

That you wouldn't die

Unless you have found

With your bloodly hound

That broken pretty thing

With the other half wing

Who could finish your start

Who would wait to last

In whose brokenness you're whole

In whose body lies your soul

                                       II

And what if you too, are wrong

Her name, another song?

Would you still go on?

Wake up another morn?

Oh! Aren't you the one

As another, or none

Oh let's forget the lie

Maybe it's time to die

Pour me another cup

Maybe the time is up

You go only so far with the gin

Time for the greatest sin

You cut off your half wing

And in despair you sing

To those who loved

And To those who lived.

All one, all none, all Alone

Alone.
Another day one.
A passing cloud.
Screaming loud.
Do not look
or bite the hook
for everything in the past
will only ever last
as long as you keep
staring at it deep.
So take the turn
forget the burn
chase ahead
and ignore the dead.
Stay on course
to find the source.
And when you're at the end
turn and look for the bend
At which you concluded
that this life of yours included
A struggle to reach
and barriers to breach
And when you're up there
Remember that you did dare
To fight it all as one
as none
All Alone.

Rectitude

You walk alone
alone in pain
the soul undone
is your only gain.

The pain you feel
with every word said
the ache you deal
with the smile that led

You long for it
the warmth of her skin
the touch that lit
the fire, a sin.

You pray to the gods
as one and the other
You fight the odds
to be one another

You must play it out
or be played
You must kill the doubt
or be slayed

You take a step
and another
for ahead lies
a dream further