ReIncarnation

 I am in an induced state of being,

in a state that feels surreal at times.

all forgotten and freeing,

subtly through life's chimes. 

I remember the past glory,

and the strength in my armour.

But today I am part of the story,

and a forgotten charmer. 

I feel like an old man, 

in a young man's life.

Living a young man's life,

through an old man's eyes.

When did it all go away,

When did you let it go?

It seems so elusive now,

fleeting at your fingertips.

Time to recenter oneself,

recalibrate and reincarnate.

Wipe away the old verses,

write down new stanzas.

Like this one,

and keep some of the old.

But refresh and rejuvenate. 

Reiterate and redeem.

Lets flip things around,

and make no sense of it.

Lets ask more questions,

and answer those unanswered ones. 

Lets be in a haste,

and not let any moment go waste.

Let us hold hands,

and surge ahead.

It is time to forgive oneself,

for the past got you until this moment.

To unlock the next phase,

please say the following phrase in 3  different languages:

Bloop. Bleep. Whackadoodle. 

Unafraid.

I chose to not,

for once I am unafraid.

I do not believe in your words,

or your twisted sense of justice.

I follow what my heart says,

I will do what is right. 

I do not forgive,

for I strive for a higher goal.

A higher moral.

Let us live and let live. 

Who are you to judge the men,

the down trodden and the bruised?

Who are you to step on them,

and declare yourself better?

You will do the same,

You will be the same,

and yet you do not understand.

We are all the same,

we will choose what is right by us.

The right to live,

The right to breathe. 

The right to stand up and fight.

You cannot tell me or anyone to not,

when you hide behind your veil of self-righteousness.

You are no better. 

You are no better.

Be better.

Infinite

What do you know about the infinite?

About everything that could ever have been.

All the different permutations

And combinations.

Did you ever think it would be this one way?

One without one. 

One too far from the sun. 

Did you ever think you could escape?

Of all the possibilities,

And realities,

You live this one.

One without one.

Too far away from the sun. 

Dark and unforgiving,

Painful reliving.

What do you know about the infinite?

Do you ever think of everything you know?

Of all the books you ever read?

And the movies you watched? 

Or art that made you feel? 

Do you think about who you are?

And who you were when you watched those movies?

Or read those books or admired those creations? 

Movies and books mean different things to you,

Art makes you feel something new each time you witness it,

Each word written, each stroke of the brush,

Means something you haven’t felt before.

It is the infinite. 

One without one.

Another day around the sun. 

And so goes another year,

And a decade or a lifetime,

Relive them all, reread those books,

Rewatch those movie and revisit those places.

Because you are not you,

You are something new. 

Don’t miss out the first time,

And don’t forget to relive it either.

It is time.

How I have missed you?

Being a part of you.

Feeling things long lost,

tasting a forgotten memory.

Why be elusive?

Why be someone else?

Why care about the world?

Lets burn it all down,

Let take each thing apart,

one by one.

Let us rebuild it all anew. 

Let us recreate, remould. 

Sit up now,

time to wake up. 

You have been drugged for far too long,

The haze is waning,

Numbness fading. 

It is all coming back.

Look up now,

Nobody's here. 

Nobody ever was. 

Or has been. 

Or ever will.

It is just you,

and will always be,

Just you.

Stand up now.

Scream into the void.

Shout it out loud,

and walk away.

For this nothingness will never remember,

will never respond. 

So take what is yours,

burn them old bridges,

and memories,

and hopes.

Let's dream again.

And this time, 

Let us not care. 

Lets go back to the place, 

when you started,

and undo everything. 

Let us rebuild.

Relearn.

Recreate. 

Reclaim. 

It is time. 

Remembrance

You know you’re alive,
For now,
In this place and time.
You sense it too,
It’s too short awhile,
People and places,
Happiness and feelings,
Moments and memories,
Everything dies.
But is not enough time,
To commit each line,
Into this world,
Give it life.
Each word read,
A lifetime felt,
A memory etched,
Another stretched.
Re-remembering the scent,
Re-finding it’s lost place,
Among the other million times,
Of similar days.
But you should,
For you’re the only one,
And nobody else can,
Speak the same tongue,
Utter the same words,
Feel the same loss.
And for memories,
Of lost friends,
And forgotten lovers,
For the existing colours,
And the ones unseen,
For the foreseen memories,
And forgotten days,
For the love you felt,
And the one which hurts.
You need to get it out.
Breathe into life those words.
Give them life,
And your soul.
Become immortal.
Conquer death.
All this and an unforgotten life.
Start now before it’s too late.
Die a thousand more times,
To relive a single memory.
Tell them all,
Show it to them,
Make them live though it,
Scream it out loud,
Create a world,
A universe,
A life they will all relive,
Though you.
In your memories,
And mistakes.
And myriad of fantasies.
And so I must.
To keep them all alive.

Through these words.

Snexistential crisis

People come and go to this place. Some stay a while and some stay for the people staying. Some are regulars and others I’ve never met before. It’s all the same. They all have the same walk and manners. Some walk with purpose and you know they are not going to stay. And others walk slow and are less worried about getting there. I have seen each king drop by and stay awhile. They get a drink and exchange ideas. Or Stories and memories and what nots. I wouldn’t know what they speak in their human tongue, for I have never spoken to any or heard them speak. I watch from a distance, coiled around this pillar. I cannot move closer as I cannot move at all. I am stuck here in this nook. I do wonder sometimes about my life. I wonder where do I end and where does the pillar begin? Am I a snake coiled around a pillar or a pillar with a sentient snake? And why am I self aware? Who is doing my thinking when I have no living body? It’s too much to process for a snake coiled around a pillar. I do not eat. I do not move. Yet I feel I have the knowledge of the world flowing though me. I feel as though I have been here all my life. I came from the earth and I will return to it someday. Earth to Earth. No mission control here. From dust to dust. Just with a little time spent around observing those who pass by this place. I cannot move or speak or think. I am a snake coiled around a pillar. Sentient, self aware and stationary. Maybe with a dash of existential crisis. 

Pink

I loved you.
More so unknown than I could ever tell you.
I did tell you.
I know that you knew.
I knew that you did too.

It was supposed to be eternal,
You and I.
Doing what we do,
across time and space.
Being us. Just us.

You were a flawed being.
With your stubbornness and beliefs.
I was too, and still am.
But it was our little world,
and us against everything else.

I picked you over everyone else,
sometimes even myself.
I truly loved you.
You were my first and my last.
You still are.

Every memory I have is shared.
With you.
All our firsts,
and our lasts.

I miss you Pink.
More than ever.

I am sorry,
I should have been there.
I am sorry I couldn't be better.
I am sorry.

Your memories are all I have,
Our times together.
I do not know what this life is without you.
It hurts.
Terribly.

Everyday is a reminder of something we did.
You are always there.
You will always be here with me.
Forever.

You are the only one pink,
and I cannot forgive myself,
I wish we could hang again.
Like we used to.

I wish I could talk to you,
for hours, and speak about nothing.
I wish you could be here,
with me.

Battle your demons each day kids!

I sense your longing,
a lost fleeting song,
one with memories etched in its words,
fading away into nothingness.

You smile through the pain,
the struggles of someone too old to be young,
too young to be reborn,
too old to be someone else.

Some days seem unreal,
uphill battles and volcanic ashes,
and others fierce with possibilities,
and overwhelming strength.

Time to reset,
sleep, wake up and sleep.
Be aware and awake and asleep.
Let us postpone it to another day.

Life and the constant battle to keep your demons at bay.
Did you laugh today?
Or cry. Or think. Or dream?
Did you live today?

I did not. I have not for a long time.

Here, not for long.

I will write today,
As I did yesterday,
but not the day before,
for I too am human,
and share the species frailties.
But I too am human,
and I share the same hopelessness.
The same virtue of forlorn need,
for finding substance in subtleties.

What I did not write was about,
the words which are seldom said,
life chimes in wind,
each sounding different to the gust.
I did not tell you about the pain,
about how we stuff our hearts,
in square shaped boxes,
made to fit square shaped hearts,
but not for heart shaped squares.
About how we long for meaning,
for substance in truth,
for resistance in words,
for acceptance in silence.

I did write about the world,
about life as one sees it.
About existence in pain,
and perseverance in boredom.
About longing for love,
and loving her long.
I wrote about the lies we tell,
the ones we believe.
and accept and abhor.
About the empty promises we make. 

True.

Aren't we all becoming drones?
Doing what we think will make us happy.
Or lead us to happiness.
Feeling nothing along the way.
Hoping we are on the right path,
to someone else's idea of fulfilment.

We are transforming into something else,
nothing really matters,
no great wars to fight,
or hardships to overcome.
We look towards the past hoping for an answer.
And the past looks back asking where we went wrong.

How does one keep up?
Where is the quest in this life?
The purpose one claims to be his.
The passion in ones life.

In circles we run,
and nobody tries to break it.
no one stops to think what is all this about?
Who or what are we going towards?

I will move forward,
procreate and ensure my progeny too ruins the planet,
and then I would die out.
Like the rest of us.
Death will come unannounced.

There is no end goal.
No nothing to fight for.
Nothing worth investing your time in.
You do nothing.

Yet we do this.
We look at others for answers,
to questions only we ask.
Maybe I am the single consciousness,
in this vast system of drones.

The more i try to mimic them,
the less I succeed.
I cannot stop being me.
All this while I have been fighting.
A fight I will never win. 

Who do Gods worship?

Did I forgive my forefathers?

For who’s sins I am not aware of.

Or did my chest swell with pride,

For their virtues outlived their memories.

And about my progeny, I wonder.

What will they hear about me?

Do I still have time to right the wrong?

Or be human and forgotten?

Will I be remembered as a great poet?

Or a good human being?

Or a selfish human struggling to survive.

Maybe it is the choice I make.

Each day, every hour, every minute. 

I don’t atone for the sins of the ones before me 

I don’t believe anyone else will for mine.

For I am a mortal,

In the long bloodlines of immortal men.

Seeking atonement for the ones before.

Gardien des étoiles

I have watched eternity,

Since before the birth of time,

As a voyeur of creation,

and the protector of the void.

I have seen everything,

from the tiny specs of dust,

in the aftermath of cosmic annihilations,

to the creation of life,

and its eternal struggle in vain.

I am alone in this quest,

to wait out time,

and the other constructs,

and observe from a distance.

And I remain eternal,

watching one race conquer another,

and be conquered in-turn 

by yet a superior one.

With no desire to influence,

no action consequential,

no life worth saving,

no heaven worth living,

I witness it all.

The sentient call me,

'Gardien des étoiles'',

Guardian of the stars.

Mortals craving meaning,

Mystifying the unknown.

I am the all powerful,

for nothing has power over I,

I am your conscience,

a creation of another fool,

trapped in a time loop.

How dare you question my existence?,

For I was here, and I will be,

long after the end of time,

witnessing the birth of another.

 

Cosmic High

Do not worship this mortal body,
for I want you to hold my soul.
The idea that we're twin souls of a whole,
created by a cosmic fault.

I long for you lover,
in more ways than known to man.
For we do not belong here,
not in this restrained land.

And I want you to know,
I want you to feel this,
this energy that flows through me,
making me crave your soul.

I cherish your love,
your eternal adoration,
for this mortal damnation,
will never hold us long.

We would unite,
and stars would die,
and universes be reborn,
with this cosmic high.

Summer

I will forget you someday.
I did, the ones before you.
And create new life,
and an endless sea of hope.

We repeat these circles,
iterate over another,
scar our lives further,
hoping to bleed anew.

Breathing a new life,
each time over,
another cursed cycle,
another craving soul.

I wish I did not.
I hope to remember.
But I know this life better now,
I know time will melt the snow.

Now we part ways,
maybe we'd meet again,
in a crowded bar, playing old memories,
with the summer tunes from the past.

I'd get us beers,
or celebratory shots.
We're old friends remember,
who forgot to forget.

Begin again II

I am in a different life,

In a different time space continuum,

Creating new as I destroy the old,

No not the old, but the would have been,

I ran from the eventuality,

Tried to wrestle my fate from the being,

Forged new alliances,

And fought new demons,

But as the sun sets,

And the horizon approaches,

I try once again to slow it down.

Take the last breath of life.

Life is catching up again,

Making me dance to its tune,

My Vision is blurring again,

The past repeating pain.

Do I make the same mistakes?

Do I have a choice this time?

You wouldn’t know.

Neither do I. 

But this endless circle consumes us all,

Creating us all, destroying our soul.

a day forward at a time in the future,

A day back, into our past.

Later.

Let’s not talk anymore,

Share no more ideas,

Forget the other’s words,

Fade away the memories.

Bury them deep,

Deeper than your repressed memories.

Erase the other’s presence

Wipe the past, the present,

and forgive the future.

Live, survive and be reborn.

In another time, another place,

to recreate, this moment,

and change nothing, not a thing.

Just us, in each other’s arms,

thoughts, memories and laughter.

Let’s exist, a little later,

in simpler times, and

a forgiving universe.

Nothingness.

She roamed his fantasies,
free and unbound.
Desire, lust and senses,
all fulfilled, all consumed.
He let his mind run free,
no shackles, no chain links,
no streets blocked, no bridges broken,
The world was theirs, and they took it.
They caught the last train out,
They saw the first ray in.
No stone left unturned,
No sea uncrossed.
She spread like wildfire,
into his fertile mind, empty soul.
He breathed fire,
choked on her desire.
Nothing else existed,
No other universe, but theirs.
No other being but self,
Even the nothingness belonged to them.
And from nothingness they were born,
creating everything, destroying everything,
Controlling everything, Consuming everything.
Once they were done, they went back,
back into the emptiness,
Into nothingness.

Breathless

You are history's forgotten child
Born in simpler times
With no Great Wars to fight
And no mountain too big to scale
A million, no a billion and more
You are a part of everything
In every face, your smile too evident
Looking through eyes
Deep as the blackest night
And anchor-less in deep sea
Nothing you see in new
No feeling a stranger
No destination anew

These eyes of the world
Has seen it all before
And will see it all again
Time and place apart
And the mirrors will fail
Repeating their wares
Seen a billion times,
Saying the same thing.
Live, love and be loved.
The slow process of death
And life's infinite combinations
All played out the same
Saying nothing new.

But,
Do not stop running,
You might fall off this construct
Into an endless blackness,
Of dimensions unknown
But then again,
Aren't we all in one already.

Fire

We met in chaos
With your world
half burning Into mine
Half consuming lust
Almost lovers loved
Separated by bodies
Mortals playing gods
In momentary haze
Their world screaming
Ours holding still

If I'd reach for you
Would you still exist
Would you consume
And let me
Or would you disappear
Into the night
As Another creature
All suffocating cage
Living with fire
Within fire, a fire

Away.

I miss you today
It's one of those days
When I struggle to breathe
Where I notice the void
Left behind by you
In my numbing days

I don't miss you On other days
When I have the world
To conquer and consume
When I replace you
With little things

But like yin and yang
You creep back into
Again and again
This lifeless existence
You disrupt my life
You make me notice things

I don't see colors anymore,
But see it's absence
Happiness almost present
Left longing for more
I hear your voice
Each note in every song ever made

And each night
I wish you were here
Every morning I long for your warmth
And all the things
That we left unsaid
I wish we could scream