ReIncarnation

 I am in an induced state of being,

in a state that feels surreal at times.

all forgotten and freeing,

subtly through life's chimes. 

I remember the past glory,

and the strength in my armour.

But today I am part of the story,

and a forgotten charmer. 

I feel like an old man, 

in a young man's life.

Living a young man's life,

through an old man's eyes.

When did it all go away,

When did you let it go?

It seems so elusive now,

fleeting at your fingertips.

Time to recenter oneself,

recalibrate and reincarnate.

Wipe away the old verses,

write down new stanzas.

Like this one,

and keep some of the old.

But refresh and rejuvenate. 

Reiterate and redeem.

Lets flip things around,

and make no sense of it.

Lets ask more questions,

and answer those unanswered ones. 

Lets be in a haste,

and not let any moment go waste.

Let us hold hands,

and surge ahead.

It is time to forgive oneself,

for the past got you until this moment.

To unlock the next phase,

please say the following phrase in 3  different languages:

Bloop. Bleep. Whackadoodle. 

Infinite

What do you know about the infinite?

About everything that could ever have been.

All the different permutations

And combinations.

Did you ever think it would be this one way?

One without one. 

One too far from the sun. 

Did you ever think you could escape?

Of all the possibilities,

And realities,

You live this one.

One without one.

Too far away from the sun. 

Dark and unforgiving,

Painful reliving.

What do you know about the infinite?

Do you ever think of everything you know?

Of all the books you ever read?

And the movies you watched? 

Or art that made you feel? 

Do you think about who you are?

And who you were when you watched those movies?

Or read those books or admired those creations? 

Movies and books mean different things to you,

Art makes you feel something new each time you witness it,

Each word written, each stroke of the brush,

Means something you haven’t felt before.

It is the infinite. 

One without one.

Another day around the sun. 

And so goes another year,

And a decade or a lifetime,

Relive them all, reread those books,

Rewatch those movie and revisit those places.

Because you are not you,

You are something new. 

Don’t miss out the first time,

And don’t forget to relive it either.

Remembrance

You know you’re alive,
For now,
In this place and time.
You sense it too,
It’s too short awhile,
People and places,
Happiness and feelings,
Moments and memories,
Everything dies.
But is not enough time,
To commit each line,
Into this world,
Give it life.
Each word read,
A lifetime felt,
A memory etched,
Another stretched.
Re-remembering the scent,
Re-finding it’s lost place,
Among the other million times,
Of similar days.
But you should,
For you’re the only one,
And nobody else can,
Speak the same tongue,
Utter the same words,
Feel the same loss.
And for memories,
Of lost friends,
And forgotten lovers,
For the existing colours,
And the ones unseen,
For the foreseen memories,
And forgotten days,
For the love you felt,
And the one which hurts.
You need to get it out.
Breathe into life those words.
Give them life,
And your soul.
Become immortal.
Conquer death.
All this and an unforgotten life.
Start now before it’s too late.
Die a thousand more times,
To relive a single memory.
Tell them all,
Show it to them,
Make them live though it,
Scream it out loud,
Create a world,
A universe,
A life they will all relive,
Though you.
In your memories,
And mistakes.
And myriad of fantasies.
And so I must.
To keep them all alive.

Through these words.

Snexistential crisis

People come and go to this place. Some stay a while and some stay for the people staying. Some are regulars and others I’ve never met before. It’s all the same. They all have the same walk and manners. Some walk with purpose and you know they are not going to stay. And others walk slow and are less worried about getting there. I have seen each king drop by and stay awhile. They get a drink and exchange ideas. Or Stories and memories and what nots. I wouldn’t know what they speak in their human tongue, for I have never spoken to any or heard them speak. I watch from a distance, coiled around this pillar. I cannot move closer as I cannot move at all. I am stuck here in this nook. I do wonder sometimes about my life. I wonder where do I end and where does the pillar begin? Am I a snake coiled around a pillar or a pillar with a sentient snake? And why am I self aware? Who is doing my thinking when I have no living body? It’s too much to process for a snake coiled around a pillar. I do not eat. I do not move. Yet I feel I have the knowledge of the world flowing though me. I feel as though I have been here all my life. I came from the earth and I will return to it someday. Earth to Earth. No mission control here. From dust to dust. Just with a little time spent around observing those who pass by this place. I cannot move or speak or think. I am a snake coiled around a pillar. Sentient, self aware and stationary. Maybe with a dash of existential crisis. 

Pink

I loved you.
More so unknown than I could ever tell you.
I did tell you.
I know that you knew.
I knew that you did too.

It was supposed to be eternal,
You and I.
Doing what we do,
across time and space.
Being us. Just us.

You were a flawed being.
With your stubbornness and beliefs.
I was too, and still am.
But it was our little world,
and us against everything else.

I picked you over everyone else,
sometimes even myself.
I truly loved you.
You were my first and my last.
You still are.

Every memory I have is shared.
With you.
All our firsts,
and our lasts.

I miss you Pink.
More than ever.

I am sorry,
I should have been there.
I am sorry I couldn't be better.
I am sorry.

Your memories are all I have,
Our times together.
I do not know what this life is without you.
It hurts.
Terribly.

Everyday is a reminder of something we did.
You are always there.
You will always be here with me.
Forever.

You are the only one pink,
and I cannot forgive myself,
I wish we could hang again.
Like we used to.

I wish I could talk to you,
for hours, and speak about nothing.
I wish you could be here,
with me.

Battle your demons each day kids!

I sense your longing,
a lost fleeting song,
one with memories etched in its words,
fading away into nothingness.

You smile through the pain,
the struggles of someone too old to be young,
too young to be reborn,
too old to be someone else.

Some days seem unreal,
uphill battles and volcanic ashes,
and others fierce with possibilities,
and overwhelming strength.

Time to reset,
sleep, wake up and sleep.
Be aware and awake and asleep.
Let us postpone it to another day.

Life and the constant battle to keep your demons at bay.
Did you laugh today?
Or cry. Or think. Or dream?
Did you live today?

I did not. I have not for a long time.

Here, not for long.

I will write today,
As I did yesterday,
but not the day before,
for I too am human,
and share the species frailties.
But I too am human,
and I share the same hopelessness.
The same virtue of forlorn need,
for finding substance in subtleties.

What I did not write was about,
the words which are seldom said,
life chimes in wind,
each sounding different to the gust.
I did not tell you about the pain,
about how we stuff our hearts,
in square shaped boxes,
made to fit square shaped hearts,
but not for heart shaped squares.
About how we long for meaning,
for substance in truth,
for resistance in words,
for acceptance in silence.

I did write about the world,
about life as one sees it.
About existence in pain,
and perseverance in boredom.
About longing for love,
and loving her long.
I wrote about the lies we tell,
the ones we believe.
and accept and abhor.
About the empty promises we make. 

Cosmic High

Do not worship this mortal body,
for I want you to hold my soul.
The idea that we're twin souls of a whole,
created by a cosmic fault.

I long for you lover,
in more ways than known to man.
For we do not belong here,
not in this restrained land.

And I want you to know,
I want you to feel this,
this energy that flows through me,
making me crave your soul.

I cherish your love,
your eternal adoration,
for this mortal damnation,
will never hold us long.

We would unite,
and stars would die,
and universes be reborn,
with this cosmic high.

Summer

I will forget you someday.
I did, the ones before you.
And create new life,
and an endless sea of hope.

We repeat these circles,
iterate over another,
scar our lives further,
hoping to bleed anew.

Breathing a new life,
each time over,
another cursed cycle,
another craving soul.

I wish I did not.
I hope to remember.
But I know this life better now,
I know time will melt the snow.

Now we part ways,
maybe we'd meet again,
in a crowded bar, playing old memories,
with the summer tunes from the past.

I'd get us beers,
or celebratory shots.
We're old friends remember,
who forgot to forget.

Begin again II

I am in a different life,

In a different time space continuum,

Creating new as I destroy the old,

No not the old, but the would have been,

I ran from the eventuality,

Tried to wrestle my fate from the being,

Forged new alliances,

And fought new demons,

But as the sun sets,

And the horizon approaches,

I try once again to slow it down.

Take the last breath of life.

Life is catching up again,

Making me dance to its tune,

My Vision is blurring again,

The past repeating pain.

Do I make the same mistakes?

Do I have a choice this time?

You wouldn’t know.

Neither do I. 

But this endless circle consumes us all,

Creating us all, destroying our soul.

a day forward at a time in the future,

A day back, into our past.

Later.

Let’s not talk anymore,

Share no more ideas,

Forget the other’s words,

Fade away the memories.

Bury them deep,

Deeper than your repressed memories.

Erase the other’s presence

Wipe the past, the present,

and forgive the future.

Live, survive and be reborn.

In another time, another place,

to recreate, this moment,

and change nothing, not a thing.

Just us, in each other’s arms,

thoughts, memories and laughter.

Let’s exist, a little later,

in simpler times, and

a forgiving universe.

Nothingness.

She roamed his fantasies,
free and unbound.
Desire, lust and senses,
all fulfilled, all consumed.
He let his mind run free,
no shackles, no chain links,
no streets blocked, no bridges broken,
The world was theirs, and they took it.
They caught the last train out,
They saw the first ray in.
No stone left unturned,
No sea uncrossed.
She spread like wildfire,
into his fertile mind, empty soul.
He breathed fire,
choked on her desire.
Nothing else existed,
No other universe, but theirs.
No other being but self,
Even the nothingness belonged to them.
And from nothingness they were born,
creating everything, destroying everything,
Controlling everything, Consuming everything.
Once they were done, they went back,
back into the emptiness,
Into nothingness.

Fire

We met in chaos
With your world
half burning Into mine
Half consuming lust
Almost lovers loved
Separated by bodies
Mortals playing gods
In momentary haze
Their world screaming
Ours holding still

If I'd reach for you
Would you still exist
Would you consume
And let me
Or would you disappear
Into the night
As Another creature
All suffocating cage
Living with fire
Within fire, a fire

Amma

You are my constant.
My world and everything in it.
It all started with you,
And ends with you.
You were my first friend,
My very first words,
And every breath since.
I have loved you for the longest,
And during the hardest of times.
I know you love me,
And you will to the very end.
You taught me everything I know,
You made me the man I am today,
Your sacrifices were our stepping stones,
You make us stronger.
I love you Amma.
I miss you every single day.
Happy birthday!

One.

The answer was within.
At the center of the puzzle.
At the end of the ouroboros,
The end at the beginning,
And beginning at the end.
I marvel at the moment,
How soon I'm going to reset again,
Make myself forget,
To try hard to remember again.

I am the enlightened one,
At the center of the universe,
I am everything. I am nothing too.
I am the puppet master,
Letting the strings pull me,
It's too easy to control.
Let it out of your grasp.
Create to be undone,
By the creation of one.
Envied, envisioned, engulfed,
Senses enslaved to one.
And submit to none,
Because it's all in you,
You are the one.

Enlightenment

I am on my own.
I am the centre of my universe.
I create and destroy everything around me.
I see. I feel. I touch. I exist.
It is my fears that manifests these illusions.
Life is an illusion hiding behind our senses.
Nothing exists. You create it all.
I am the creator. I am the eternal being.
I created god to stay humble.
and the devil, to embrace my self.
I created the forbidden sins,
to want to sin.
I created ambition to sustain this dream.
Now I question if I am alone.
Does it all exist because I do?
Then what is on the other side?

Lust.

The skin smooth and soft over your luscious body. With sweat sickly sweet on your brown skin. The little details contoured by its dampness and enhanced by its trailing wetness. I sit here and lust for that body. And feel this need to quench my thirst. I yearn to be consumed by your lust. The way you moved through my fantasies. Caressing one demon and fondling the other. Condemning their sins while making them ours. Words can't quite describe these feelings. You cannot capture the want in its original form. Its easier when we're together. When we let our bodies do the talking. When I can run wild over your forbidden softness. Look deep into your eyes and worship our sin. Let it all fall and shatter. Let the worlds collapse. We'd be burning by then. Up in flames of lust. I'd consume your demons. I'll flame your fire. And you'd burn me whole.

Unloved.

The cigarette burning through,
smoke enough to drown dreams,
or dreamy smoke to fuel life.
Sitting watching the emptiness,
trying to feel,
Feelings to try again.
Who are you now?
who are you trying to please now?
Where are you now?
Are you alive? do you even feel?
Where did you lose brother?
How far along have you come?
You stay detached.
Angry at yourself, for being someone.
Feel, fight, pick sides, run, die.
Emote dear love, this is not you.
Let it all be free. Flawed.
Stop trying to hold on.
Let it go, let the world swirl into nothingness.
The madness breathing life.
wake up and be alive.
The numbness will die down,
warmth will flood your inner soul.
Give in to the wants, and want it all.
Worship your devil, and give him life.
for that is the only way. Be unloved.

Village bard

You will succeed
At the stroke of the night
When the children are asleep
And the widows start to weep

You will remain strong,
Resilient to the wind,
The Piper is on his song,
And against his words you're pinned.

But do not quiver,
Do not shudder,
Your resolve,
Is your only strength.

So you fight hard,
You show your strength.
You're the village bard,
You fight till the nth.

Phase II

A different train ride today. Not to another stop. Just riding along. Taking myself to another world. A world of big and mighty. something so overwhelming that everything else from back home looks like a Dream. A fantasy of unrealistic proportions come true. This is it now. A new world and another race. You're not forgiven this time. I do not get to fail. I must succeed this time around.  There are no second chances in your second beginning. Only hardwork can help me. And we strive to succeed. If I do the numbers enough then I get to see the sunset from the skies. And that it what I am working towards.