Pink

I loved you.
More so unknown than I could ever tell you.
I did tell you.
I know that you knew.
I knew that you did too.

It was supposed to be eternal,
You and I.
Doing what we do,
across time and space.
Being us. Just us.

You were a flawed being.
With your stubbornness and beliefs.
I was too, and still am.
But it was our little world,
and us against everything else.

I picked you over everyone else,
sometimes even myself.
I truly loved you.
You were my first and my last.
You still are.

Every memory I have is shared.
With you.
All our firsts,
and our lasts.

I miss you Pink.
More than ever.

I am sorry,
I should have been there.
I am sorry I couldn't be better.
I am sorry.

Your memories are all I have,
Our times together.
I do not know what this life is without you.
It hurts.
Terribly.

Everyday is a reminder of something we did.
You are always there.
You will always be here with me.
Forever.

You are the only one pink,
and I cannot forgive myself,
I wish we could hang again.
Like we used to.

I wish I could talk to you,
for hours, and speak about nothing.
I wish you could be here,
with me.

Battle your demons each day kids!

I sense your longing,
a lost fleeting song,
one with memories etched in its words,
fading away into nothingness.

You smile through the pain,
the struggles of someone too old to be young,
too young to be reborn,
too old to be someone else.

Some days seem unreal,
uphill battles and volcanic ashes,
and others fierce with possibilities,
and overwhelming strength.

Time to reset,
sleep, wake up and sleep.
Be aware and awake and asleep.
Let us postpone it to another day.

Life and the constant battle to keep your demons at bay.
Did you laugh today?
Or cry. Or think. Or dream?
Did you live today?

I did not. I have not for a long time.

Here, not for long.

I will write today,
As I did yesterday,
but not the day before,
for I too am human,
and share the species frailties.
But I too am human,
and I share the same hopelessness.
The same virtue of forlorn need,
for finding substance in subtleties.

What I did not write was about,
the words which are seldom said,
life chimes in wind,
each sounding different to the gust.
I did not tell you about the pain,
about how we stuff our hearts,
in square shaped boxes,
made to fit square shaped hearts,
but not for heart shaped squares.
About how we long for meaning,
for substance in truth,
for resistance in words,
for acceptance in silence.

I did write about the world,
about life as one sees it.
About existence in pain,
and perseverance in boredom.
About longing for love,
and loving her long.
I wrote about the lies we tell,
the ones we believe.
and accept and abhor.
About the empty promises we make. 

Where do dreams go to die?

A life too short to live,

A body too fragile to hold,

with concubines in this hive,

our lies repeatedly sold.

Is this what it was to be?

were we living a lie?

Where do our dreams go to die?

What happens to the promises?

Unfulfilled ones lives on forever,

in the memories of their lovers.

Forgotten ones remembered,

in relived memories of longing.

Another world awaits,

for those left behind this one,

a better one with hope and happiness,

and unfulfilled promises. 

True.

Aren't we all becoming drones?
Doing what we think will make us happy.
Or lead us to happiness.
Feeling nothing along the way.
Hoping we are on the right path,
to someone else's idea of fulfilment.

We are transforming into something else,
nothing really matters,
no great wars to fight,
or hardships to overcome.
We look towards the past hoping for an answer.
And the past looks back asking where we went wrong.

How does one keep up?
Where is the quest in this life?
The purpose one claims to be his.
The passion in ones life.

In circles we run,
and nobody tries to break it.
no one stops to think what is all this about?
Who or what are we going towards?

I will move forward,
procreate and ensure my progeny too ruins the planet,
and then I would die out.
Like the rest of us.
Death will come unannounced.

There is no end goal.
No nothing to fight for.
Nothing worth investing your time in.
You do nothing.

Yet we do this.
We look at others for answers,
to questions only we ask.
Maybe I am the single consciousness,
in this vast system of drones.

The more i try to mimic them,
the less I succeed.
I cannot stop being me.
All this while I have been fighting.
A fight I will never win. 

Away.

I miss you today
It's one of those days
When I struggle to breathe
Where I notice the void
Left behind by you
In my numbing days

I don't miss you On other days
When I have the world
To conquer and consume
When I replace you
With little things

But like yin and yang
You creep back into
Again and again
This lifeless existence
You disrupt my life
You make me notice things

I don't see colors anymore,
But see it's absence
Happiness almost present
Left longing for more
I hear your voice
Each note in every song ever made

And each night
I wish you were here
Every morning I long for your warmth
And all the things
That we left unsaid
I wish we could scream

Unloved.

The cigarette burning through,
smoke enough to drown dreams,
or dreamy smoke to fuel life.
Sitting watching the emptiness,
trying to feel,
Feelings to try again.
Who are you now?
who are you trying to please now?
Where are you now?
Are you alive? do you even feel?
Where did you lose brother?
How far along have you come?
You stay detached.
Angry at yourself, for being someone.
Feel, fight, pick sides, run, die.
Emote dear love, this is not you.
Let it all be free. Flawed.
Stop trying to hold on.
Let it go, let the world swirl into nothingness.
The madness breathing life.
wake up and be alive.
The numbness will die down,
warmth will flood your inner soul.
Give in to the wants, and want it all.
Worship your devil, and give him life.
for that is the only way. Be unloved.

Marooned.

I loved only you,

And I have repeated these words,

every couple of years,

to beautiful people,

with selfish hearts.

I have raged battles with myself,

And they were all broken,
But i did go through lovers,
I loved them all,
These tides refuse to die down,

convoluted intricacies of this heart,

has made me a common fool

who falls in love at every chance

with beautiful broken souls,

with sharper edges and fresh wounds,

My delicate skin stood no chance,

My heart not even there.

Like changing seasons,

I floated anchor less,

from one love to another.

I offered them my soul,

a bit broken, a little bruised.

but i tried, with another hopeful smile

And I am back trying again.

this heart still craves,

for another broken soul

that completes this self, makes it whole

with the edges still sharp,

and the wounds forever fresh.

Broken pages. Incomplete stories.

Memories remain,
Some recent, many past,
like faded old photographs,
Hanging in crowded coffee shops,
Where we had our big conversations.
About the little things.

But we did part,
Like the pages in a book.
To the end of this story.
Let's toss books and burn libraries.

When Clichéd metaphors wet our lives,
Strange ones emerge.
The shadows learn to whisper their tale,
Of how they miss the sun.

And so we start again,
One step and then another.
With memories to forget
And scars to heal.

Tear up now.

So there we were,
In our little infinity.
Holding on to whatever that was left of us.
As we wished time to stall
and life to go on.

Maybe years later,
I'd come back for this.
This little envelope of time,
in which we shared our love,
warmth and let it go.

I'd stand outside,
looking at us make the same mistakes
Over and over again.
Knowing somewhere deep down,
That there was no right decision there.
Only love. And loss.

Yesterday.

I loved you.
And you me.
Everything else perfect
So it seemed to be

But now
It's in the past
I've lost my way
I don't know how.

It was
A beautiful memory
It chose to tell
Another one's story.

So why
Does it hurt today
While one moved on
The other did stay.

And dream
About you
Like yesterday
Meant nothing anyway.

A better Lie.

I had her, Life.
last night, or was it this morning.
That I last sensed her touch,
felt her warmth, her softness,
Her arousing scent,
her enticing words.
She swayed with me, for me,
provoking my senses.
Deepening my scars,
I had long buried.
And then she left,
said not a word.
Hurt not a little,
mourn not a lot.

Hide behind insecurities,
wallow in self-pity.
Screaming at them, those bastards!
Dreaming with them, A better lie.

The First sliver

Did you really promise eternal love?
Or was it a farce in the name of it?
Do you remember the promises,
and the thousand times we forever-ed.
Or did you forget them as well,
as you wished the Ninety-fifth day.

But People change, their hearts falter,
promises break, and buried along.
So when you walk down,
and look back to it again.
Little broken statues and large empty castles remain,
memory blocks of my craving soul.
As empty as their life,
and as hollow your love.

If only we lived as we'd dreamt,
if only I was I and you, You!

Shipwrecked lives

Awake, floating off to the unknown,

part wreckage of the known,

ship that once set sail,

Little it did against the Gale.

Awake, with your back to the moon,

clueless you float till noon.

wondering if you were the one,

to chaos, to reign over their sun. 

Hear their cries,

their plea to the skies. 

Those fallen along,

who played your song.

It began with you,

And so shall it end.

those together were few,

and those broken shall mend. 

The Selfish World of the Selfless.

The world is out to get you,
keep a watch over your shoulders.
The world is going to hunt you,
fight you with its soldiers.
They are going to brand you,
torture and break you,
all forms of induced pain,
for all reasons of selfish gain.

Go on now, be the hunted,
run for cover, and be shunted
till your legs falter and begin to bleed
till your last breath before you fall and plead.
And stay down, lie really low
cower yourself and await the next blow.
While at it, recite a silent prayer
and skin your ego, another layer.

Oh you loved them! You gave them power,
And the life was good, while it was your lover.
You danced to their songs and whispered in their tongue
knowing very well, when they'll have you hung
And that is when they had you blind,
had your trust, appeared too kind.
But you played along, all too well.
let the dream be, a tolerable hell.

And now,

Don't you hear them anymore?
taunting, tempting.
offering everything that was before.
Don't you hear your laughter?
from an another time, place.
Calling you back, asking your price.
Would you give in? Please come back.
Once more, Just once.

Almost heaven.

                                       I

We embody a soul
a soul never whole
We relish the hunt

As we live for the blunt

And so we survive

As Each day you thrive

On a hardwired lie

That you wouldn't die

Unless you have found

With your bloodly hound

That broken pretty thing

With the other half wing

Who could finish your start

Who would wait to last

In whose brokenness you're whole

In whose body lies your soul

                                       II

And what if you too, are wrong

Her name, another song?

Would you still go on?

Wake up another morn?

Oh! Aren't you the one

As another, or none

Oh let's forget the lie

Maybe it's time to die

Pour me another cup

Maybe the time is up

You go only so far with the gin

Time for the greatest sin

You cut off your half wing

And in despair you sing

To those who loved

And To those who lived.

Simpler dreams

Men with purpose
And their constricted lives
Men with time
And their wasted lives

Together they walk
To the luminescent star
Beneath they seek
To brighten their scar

Separate tales
of a mysterious cave
Sinister eyes
Of the older men brave

Holding on to
Their simpler dreams
They drift alone
In the crowded streams

To an end
That is very near
Twisted end
That is very dear

Shadows

Shadows crept into
The land of possibilities
It was a subtle struggle
Not a battle or war
Just an event hardly noticed

legend says
The king never fought
The shadows let him believe
It was a part of growing up

And when he realized
He was fat and lazy
Accustomed to the ways
of the many

Yet he awaits the day
Filled with hope and despair
Look at the dusty old throne
That once possessed the power

A power unrivaled
A universe unchallenged

He lives at the tavern now
ale and women plenty

Shadows played the melody
a dirty trick
Only the crown remains
On a filthy old stick