Remembrance

You know you’re alive,
For now,
In this place and time.
You sense it too,
It’s too short awhile,
People and places,
Happiness and feelings,
Moments and memories,
Everything dies.
But is not enough time,
To commit each line,
Into this world,
Give it life.
Each word read,
A lifetime felt,
A memory etched,
Another stretched.
Re-remembering the scent,
Re-finding it’s lost place,
Among the other million times,
Of similar days.
But you should,
For you’re the only one,
And nobody else can,
Speak the same tongue,
Utter the same words,
Feel the same loss.
And for memories,
Of lost friends,
And forgotten lovers,
For the existing colours,
And the ones unseen,
For the foreseen memories,
And forgotten days,
For the love you felt,
And the one which hurts.
You need to get it out.
Breathe into life those words.
Give them life,
And your soul.
Become immortal.
Conquer death.
All this and an unforgotten life.
Start now before it’s too late.
Die a thousand more times,
To relive a single memory.
Tell them all,
Show it to them,
Make them live though it,
Scream it out loud,
Create a world,
A universe,
A life they will all relive,
Though you.
In your memories,
And mistakes.
And myriad of fantasies.
And so I must.
To keep them all alive.

Through these words.

Pink

I loved you.
More so unknown than I could ever tell you.
I did tell you.
I know that you knew.
I knew that you did too.

It was supposed to be eternal,
You and I.
Doing what we do,
across time and space.
Being us. Just us.

You were a flawed being.
With your stubbornness and beliefs.
I was too, and still am.
But it was our little world,
and us against everything else.

I picked you over everyone else,
sometimes even myself.
I truly loved you.
You were my first and my last.
You still are.

Every memory I have is shared.
With you.
All our firsts,
and our lasts.

I miss you Pink.
More than ever.

I am sorry,
I should have been there.
I am sorry I couldn't be better.
I am sorry.

Your memories are all I have,
Our times together.
I do not know what this life is without you.
It hurts.
Terribly.

Everyday is a reminder of something we did.
You are always there.
You will always be here with me.
Forever.

You are the only one pink,
and I cannot forgive myself,
I wish we could hang again.
Like we used to.

I wish I could talk to you,
for hours, and speak about nothing.
I wish you could be here,
with me.

Battle your demons each day kids!

I sense your longing,
a lost fleeting song,
one with memories etched in its words,
fading away into nothingness.

You smile through the pain,
the struggles of someone too old to be young,
too young to be reborn,
too old to be someone else.

Some days seem unreal,
uphill battles and volcanic ashes,
and others fierce with possibilities,
and overwhelming strength.

Time to reset,
sleep, wake up and sleep.
Be aware and awake and asleep.
Let us postpone it to another day.

Life and the constant battle to keep your demons at bay.
Did you laugh today?
Or cry. Or think. Or dream?
Did you live today?

I did not. I have not for a long time.

Where do dreams go to die?

A life too short to live,

A body too fragile to hold,

with concubines in this hive,

our lies repeatedly sold.

Is this what it was to be?

were we living a lie?

Where do our dreams go to die?

What happens to the promises?

Unfulfilled ones lives on forever,

in the memories of their lovers.

Forgotten ones remembered,

in relived memories of longing.

Another world awaits,

for those left behind this one,

a better one with hope and happiness,

and unfulfilled promises. 

True.

Aren't we all becoming drones?
Doing what we think will make us happy.
Or lead us to happiness.
Feeling nothing along the way.
Hoping we are on the right path,
to someone else's idea of fulfilment.

We are transforming into something else,
nothing really matters,
no great wars to fight,
or hardships to overcome.
We look towards the past hoping for an answer.
And the past looks back asking where we went wrong.

How does one keep up?
Where is the quest in this life?
The purpose one claims to be his.
The passion in ones life.

In circles we run,
and nobody tries to break it.
no one stops to think what is all this about?
Who or what are we going towards?

I will move forward,
procreate and ensure my progeny too ruins the planet,
and then I would die out.
Like the rest of us.
Death will come unannounced.

There is no end goal.
No nothing to fight for.
Nothing worth investing your time in.
You do nothing.

Yet we do this.
We look at others for answers,
to questions only we ask.
Maybe I am the single consciousness,
in this vast system of drones.

The more i try to mimic them,
the less I succeed.
I cannot stop being me.
All this while I have been fighting.
A fight I will never win. 

Cosmic High

Do not worship this mortal body,
for I want you to hold my soul.
The idea that we're twin souls of a whole,
created by a cosmic fault.

I long for you lover,
in more ways than known to man.
For we do not belong here,
not in this restrained land.

And I want you to know,
I want you to feel this,
this energy that flows through me,
making me crave your soul.

I cherish your love,
your eternal adoration,
for this mortal damnation,
will never hold us long.

We would unite,
and stars would die,
and universes be reborn,
with this cosmic high.

Summer

I will forget you someday.
I did, the ones before you.
And create new life,
and an endless sea of hope.

We repeat these circles,
iterate over another,
scar our lives further,
hoping to bleed anew.

Breathing a new life,
each time over,
another cursed cycle,
another craving soul.

I wish I did not.
I hope to remember.
But I know this life better now,
I know time will melt the snow.

Now we part ways,
maybe we'd meet again,
in a crowded bar, playing old memories,
with the summer tunes from the past.

I'd get us beers,
or celebratory shots.
We're old friends remember,
who forgot to forget.

My Eternal

If I do not know you,
in the next coming life,
or the million ones after,
I will come find you.

If you do not recognise me,
or feel the same way,
I will give my all,
just to show you I can.

If I fail to show you my love,
and if you fail to see it,
I would not lose hope,
I will come find you in the next.

If you do remember,
If you have our memories together,
Come find me,
Make me remember.

If I do not remember,
or fail to recognise you,
Do not give up on me,
For my memory is limited,
not my love.

If you do love me,
once again,
in another life, another time,
I promise you, you, my everything.
My eternal, my infinite.

Away.

I miss you today
It's one of those days
When I struggle to breathe
Where I notice the void
Left behind by you
In my numbing days

I don't miss you On other days
When I have the world
To conquer and consume
When I replace you
With little things

But like yin and yang
You creep back into
Again and again
This lifeless existence
You disrupt my life
You make me notice things

I don't see colors anymore,
But see it's absence
Happiness almost present
Left longing for more
I hear your voice
Each note in every song ever made

And each night
I wish you were here
Every morning I long for your warmth
And all the things
That we left unsaid
I wish we could scream

Amma

You are my constant.
My world and everything in it.
It all started with you,
And ends with you.
You were my first friend,
My very first words,
And every breath since.
I have loved you for the longest,
And during the hardest of times.
I know you love me,
And you will to the very end.
You taught me everything I know,
You made me the man I am today,
Your sacrifices were our stepping stones,
You make us stronger.
I love you Amma.
I miss you every single day.
Happy birthday!

Longing.

There is a life,
Well beyond your reach,
Yet all around you,
Everywhere you look.
Yet nowhere to be seen,
In happiness,
Hope and longing,
Family and friends,
A good long weekend,
Laughs that cannot be replaced,
Memories you want to cherish,
Places that held meanings,
Times you cannot hold on to.
Wishing you could do over,
Every little thing again,
In the exact same way,
Nothing new.
Just to feel the same way again,
Live those beautiful moments,
Making them last,
Over again.

I miss it all.

sugar.

With the past gone by,
And future away.
Lovers looking ahead,
Hoping the memories to stay.

The future looming closer,
The longing almost over,
dreading desires dead,
Hope seeking light.

The nights get colder,
With trembling memories of your touch,
The ghost of your skin,
Warming me up within.

Time flying by,
Dreams Coming true.
We're almost there sugar,
It's the time to be.

So hold on a little longer,
Let's fight those little monsters,
Because the life we longed together,
Is one worth dying for.

A Moonshine lust.

Under this blanket
And your spell.
Your naked skin,
Makes me want.
To roam free
On your body.
To touch every knot,
Inches apart.
To hold you tight,
With all my might.
Let me sleep,
On your bosom.
Let me feel,
All your warmth.
Let our bodies intertwine,
Hold on now
Yours against mine.

A dreamer.

A dreamer who lived
Who loved
Every single dream
Of his realm
Smaller ones built
On banks of green
Bigger ones flowing
Covering all that seem
He lived there
In those castles he created
In those imaginary caves
And non existent happiness.
When everyone was happy
And nothing but happy.

Then came a dark day
And he did see it coming
He saw the cracks
Running across his dream
And slowly it did happen
Till that one day
When he last saw hope
A flower untouched.
For it was the first
And now the last
To be consumed...
It died
So did he.

Amid that dead dream
Lay a flower
In whose name
Once lived a lover...

Farewell.

I am not a fan of people leaving.
By leaving I mean them, the ones you are close to moving away either permanently or for a given period of time.
And why is it bad? It is because it makes you realize that there is a that-person-shaped void created in your universe. This void represents everything that they meant to you, the little things that you would miss about them. It cannot be filled again. It can just be ignored. Pushed as far back as you possible can, buried under the layers of mundanity that dictates one's everyday life.

That is one aspect of it.

Another is the question of 'why?'
Why should you feel anything for anybody. Why get close to another soul?

Separation is inevitable. Life comes in the way, and nothing can be done about it.

You cherish someone, they reciprocate and then they move on. You think of that one moment in time, which is now past, in which you held someone and it meant something. And for the rest of that particular time frame you do your bit to get it back, which sadly is now only a memory.
Or there is the scenario that they too end up staying. All in the hope of that one elusive moment.
You have someone for sometime and then you move on to be someone else who means something else for some other person.
And so goes on this vicious cycle.

Yet we play our part because....

B and double you.

Fade in,
B and double you,
The warm sunlit place,
that'd be the setting,
the butterfly earrings,
and those benches in shade.
The beautiful time that we longed,
would be the time that i'd remember.
Then we hoped for togetherness,
as now we still do,
all tucked away in this memory room.
With no windows to wake up to dawn.
Or doors to leave,
This is mine, and you cannot take it away.
I wished you did,
and I wished I'd let you.
But for all the times we spent,
together,
wondering what to do,
or planning the next trip to paradise,
I'd miss this,
the sun upon your face,
with me,
and the hope,
of a beautiful future,
etched on that bench,
sitting idle, no more.

Why do I love you?

I loved you when I asked you out.
I loved you when I wasn't sure why I asked you out.
I loved you on the day I first kissed you.
I loved you on the hundreds of nights we spent talking, making plans for you.
I loved you when you spoke.
I loved you when you listened.
I loved you when you were happy.
I loved you when you laughed.
I loved you when you teared up.
I loved you when you were angry at the world.
I loved you when you were working your way up.
I loved you when we were stuck in the rain.
I loved you when you drove me around.
I loved you when sat behind me on my bike.
I loved you on the night I was afraid to go sleep.
I loved you when you would not sleep for me.
I loved you when your nose went all pink.
I loved you when you dint care what people think.
I loved you when you spoke to me on your way back home.
I loved you when you feared me coming home.
I loved you when you were waiting for me alone.
I loved you when you would give me that stupid smile.
I loved you when we took long walks
I loved you when we had small talks.
I loved you when I was afraid to let you ride.
I loved you when you wouldn't let me drive.
I loved you when you watched me play.
I loved you when we met everyday.
I loved you when I came home to you.
I loved you when you came to wish me.
I loved you when you surprised me.
I loved you when there were no secrets.
I loved you when you cried that day.
I loved you when you tried to be brave.
I loved you when we'd pray for the other.
I loved you when we watch a movie, and another.
I loved you when you ate your pasta.
I loved you when Id eat half your lunch.
I loved you when we spent time on that bench.
I loved you when you'd save all the tickets.
I loved you when we'd meet at the lobby.
I loved you when we ate butter maggi.
I loved you when you were really high.
I loved you when we'd look at the sky.
I loved you when you understood my concerns.
I loved you when you cared for my problems.
I loved you when you did my homework.
I loved you when you asked me to work.
I loved you when you fought with me.
I loved you when you missed me.
I loved you when Id call from my native.
I loved you when we you'd stay up to hear my voice.
I loved you when I did not show up.
I loved you when I did eventually turn up.
I loved you when you told me you got through.
I loved you the day you told me you are leaving.
I loved you when I heard your flight timing.
I loved you when I came to see you boarding.
I loved you when you introduced me to your parents.
I loved you when you look anxious about it.
I loved you when gave me that last kiss.
I loved you when you turned and walked away.
I loved you when you went to another place.
I loved you when you had no time to waste.
I loved you when you got your first job.
I loved you when you asked me to send letters.
I loved you when you'd find time for me.
I loved you when you went shopping for me.
I loved you when I saw you in my jacket.
I loved you when you sent me another.
I loved you when you came back home, after a year.
I loved you when you said I was dear.
I loved you when you seemed still the same.
I loved you when you changed for your aim.
I loved you the day we decided to part.
I loved you the days I asked to be a part.
I loved you the day I had nobody, not one.
And I'll love even if I'm not your one. 

Shipwrecked lives

Awake, floating off to the unknown,

part wreckage of the known,

ship that once set sail,

Little it did against the Gale.

Awake, with your back to the moon,

clueless you float till noon.

wondering if you were the one,

to chaos, to reign over their sun. 

Hear their cries,

their plea to the skies. 

Those fallen along,

who played your song.

It began with you,

And so shall it end.

those together were few,

and those broken shall mend. 

The Selfish World of the Selfless.

The world is out to get you,
keep a watch over your shoulders.
The world is going to hunt you,
fight you with its soldiers.
They are going to brand you,
torture and break you,
all forms of induced pain,
for all reasons of selfish gain.

Go on now, be the hunted,
run for cover, and be shunted
till your legs falter and begin to bleed
till your last breath before you fall and plead.
And stay down, lie really low
cower yourself and await the next blow.
While at it, recite a silent prayer
and skin your ego, another layer.

Oh you loved them! You gave them power,
And the life was good, while it was your lover.
You danced to their songs and whispered in their tongue
knowing very well, when they'll have you hung
And that is when they had you blind,
had your trust, appeared too kind.
But you played along, all too well.
let the dream be, a tolerable hell.

And now,

Don't you hear them anymore?
taunting, tempting.
offering everything that was before.
Don't you hear your laughter?
from an another time, place.
Calling you back, asking your price.
Would you give in? Please come back.
Once more, Just once.

"Mi ángel, esta conmigo siempre"

She said, "Mi ángel, esta conmigo siempre".
And i knew mine never left me!